Living The Secret

There is not a day that goes by that I am not thankful for everything in my life. I go to bed every night thinking about what the day was like and concentrate on the positive. There are so many people that go to work every day and are miserable with their job but yet they try to be thankful because at least they have one. People thought I was crazy to open a store in this horrible economy. I know what made my store opening a huge success. Never once did I think about it not working out, never once did I think I may fail. Those who expressed their concerns or even may have said that there was no way this will work, I let it go in one ear and out the other. I appreciate the concerns however, because I am thinking only positive thoughts these days, these are not going to be concerns of mine. Again, I will say it is the work of The Secret.

Some may think people are just lucky or that someday successful people will fail. My thoughts are that these are the people that do not know how to put The Secret into effect or maybe they do not even know about it. If I see someone successful start to decline, I believe it is because they had felt they were not going to continue their success at some point. These negative feelings are what makes these negative situations come about. I have said to my friends....get the negative words out of your vocabulary. Stop saying: won't, can't, don't, etc. Turn every situation, every statement, every thought into: can, do, will, want. At first it is very hard and thankfully I am surrounded by people where we help each other in conversation turn things around that we may say negatively. However, if we train ourselves to get into this new habit, it will come just as easily as all those negative thoughts, feelings , and statements did. You can think I am crazy, I am ok with it because I know first hand that this works.

I sit and think about being in those miserable jobs and how it had my entire life miserable. I was not happy at home, I didn't smile as much, I had aches and pains in my twenties!, my relationships fell apart and nothing seemed to go right. We all know what it is like to wake up and start out with a crappy morning then it snowballs into the way the entire day will go. This is what was happening with my life. It was happening because I lost sight of what I wanted in my life. I had no dreams or goals because I was too miserable to think about it or even think I was deserving of anything good. All I could focus on was what I did not want, what I was not happy with and how I felt so trapped where I was. If only I would have known The Secret back then, I would not have gone into depressions, had a broken heart or have broken anyone's heart. I would not have lost contact with good friends, I would have had better luck and some light at the end of the tunnels. I was in a very dark place for a very long time.

However, now I am a completely different person in most ways. Do not get me wrong I am and always will be silly and full of laughter. Just in these days it is all of the time. It seriously is not hard to do. All you need to do is sit down and ask for what you want out of life. Is it a car, to lose weight, a different job, to find love, or just to feel happy again? You can achieve this and it is effortless. All I can say is, ask for it, feel it, and be grateful. How do you think I am having such a successful new business in such a stressful economic time? I have no doubts that my business will succeed, I have no negative thoughts running through my mind about 'what if' or how am I going to afford this? If you really want it, it will work out as long as you are completely, 100% positive in your thinking.

What I am thankful for tonight:
The feeling of my Pop-Pop and my Mimi with me as I am typing this.......brrrrrr!
The ability to share The Secret with everyone I know
My teachers, my customers, my family and my friends
Music
Scrapbooking
My pets
My dreams
Tomorrow

Feel positive with music....

Right now I am so thankful for music. I have always been one to put a song to a situation. There is only a few types of music that I really do not like which are rap, heavy metal and country. There are some country singers that I can listen to but honestly I cannot handle the twangy, songs about ones dog dying, their truck breaking down, or beating themselves up over yet another failed relationship. Sorry......just my opinion. I do not look down on those who like it, I just have never felt that it was positive music.

There are so many songs that remind me of a certain moment. I have added most of them to my playlist. With all of the concerts I have been too, and life situations I have been faced with, I cannot help but to feel happy when I listen to music. Of course I put all the positive ones on my playlist. The ones that go with silly and intimate moments with Jamie as well as concerts with her and weddings I had attended. Of course I had to add some of my favorites from Amy Grant and other songs that just make me feel good. The Nickleback, Daughtry and Pink songs make me laugh because my kids like to dance to them and belt them out.......so funny! And some of those songs have special meanings to me.

I honestly believe that if we are not feeling so positive or are in a bad mood, that if we get lost in music that makes us feel good, we will feel much better almost immediately. It is even more wonderful when you can belt out the tunes with a good friend, or your children. Those are moments you will never forget.

Keeping up the positive

A month or so ago I wrote to Jen and Kate. Both of them are my friends through PartyLite. I finally received an email from Jen the other day. We have been emailing back and forth since. Today I find out that she is going through a divorce, had to move into a room, and had to take a month off from PartyLite. Not only did she lose her team of PartyLite girls but she also had to step down from Unit Leader to Team Leader because of it. At first I was sadden by all that she has been through. Then I kept reading her email.

Have you ever been able to hear the person talking as you are reading their email? I am told that people can hear me. Maybe it is because we write exactly the way we talk. My friend Melinda is very good at it...LOL!

Well, I could "hear" in Jen's email that she is seriously ok. She was the same upbeat, motivated, person I used to attend meetings with at her home. And, she is sincere. I can totally tell that it is not an act. This is a huge reason why she has been an inspiration to me. Nothing gets her down for very long. She is back to doing PartyLite, working full time and totally keeping it together. All I can say is that I hope I can be her if I ever have to go through any major life changes. She will be fine because she makes it that way. I know from the past that this is not an easy thing to do.

I am wondering if she read The Secret. I only ask that because she seriously lives it everyday. You can tell by her positive attitude.

What I am thankful for today:
my store
Chinese food
clean laundry (now that my washer is broken)
my children
"Friend's moments" PIVOT! PIVOT!!!!!!! LOL!
new customers
money

Virginia and Mimi

I think I may be actually suffering from writers block! It could be that I am extremely tired, have way too much on my mind, or that I just cannot pick one thing to write about. Let me think...

Virginia is the little elderly lady who comes into my store every Sunday to work on a scrapbook for her granddaughter. Today I had a class when she was there so I wasn't able to work with her today. However, my mom was more than willing to help since she was there. Thank goodness since I do not like to be busy when Virginia is there. She looks to me for help since she has never scrapbooked before and she needs to get this done in 2 weeks. After today she is almost complete. I am sure that next Sunday we will get this done for her. Because I have a feeling that she will not be coming in much after she is finished, I made her a card today. Thankfully she left her stuff at my store, so I could easily put this card in her bag. I need her to know that I am very thankful that she allowed me into her heart and allowed me to help her. She has no idea what the time she had spent with me has done. Trying to type this without tears is not easy.

The way she talks about her granddaughter is the way my grandmother was with me. Virginia adores her granddaughter in every sense of the word. I remember as a kid my grandmother bragging to my friends and boyfriends and showing pictures of me that were actually embarrassing. In fact, I think a lot of times I got angry but never had the heart to let her know that. Now as an adult, I can appreciate all those horribly embarrassing pictures since I am seeing that we ALL have them...LOL! I am grateful that even though those pictures were embarrassing to me, Mimi absolutely loved them. Having Virginia at my store has me appreciating all those moments I was able to spend with my grandmother. I was with her constantly.

Virginia does not get to see her granddaughter very much due to busy lifestyles and a bit of miles between the two. However, I know there is not a day that goes by that Virginia does not think about her granddaughter. Just like there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of my Mimi. I am so thankful that I got to relive some of my memories of the past through the relationship that Virginia has with her granddaughter and through all of the pictures she has of their moments together. Putting a scrapbook together of me and my grandmother is just not something I have been able to do......yet.

People may think that me making a card for Virginia is a little backwards since I was the one helping her. However, it is moments like these that I feel we did something wonderful for each other. She reminded me of so many special moments....and she needs to know that I am so thankful for that.

What I am thankful for today:
the time I have spent with Viginia
my cat who is on my chest and making it very difficult to type
my teachers
my friends
my family
the moments I shared with Mimi

Jamie

During my card making class last night, which by the way was a total HIT....I got a very exciting phone call! My best friend Jamie who has been living in King of Prussia is moving back to Coopersburg! Her and her husband put an offer on a house and it got accepted! Although I had a class full of people, I was so excited that I was jumping up and down and yelling, almost crying.....I said ALMOST!

I have been missing Jamie for a long time now. We try to get as much time in together as we can however, it will be so much better now that we are not far away from each other. Settlement on her house will be in April...YA!!

We have always said that we would be little old ladies together and still best friends. Hard to imagine we have already shared 15 years of friendship. I know we have lots more great years ahead of us.

Here is a poem I wrote for Jamie a couple of years ago..

To the one who is willing to give her all to make someone happy.

The one whose smile brightens up my worst of days.

To the one whose knowledge I can depend on for advise on anything.

To the one whose ears willingly listen to all of my troubles and worries.

To the one who is silly but can be serious in the time of need.

To the one who is my biggest supporter when I need a cheerleader.

To the one who I can sit and laugh with about nothing,

I can sit in silence with and still feel comfortable.

To the one voice I hear in my head giving me the confidence I need to achieve all my goals.

To my best friend, I can only pray that I can be all you have been to me.

I LOVE YOU JAMIE!! You will always be my crab! LOL!

Misc.

I had yet another great Quick Creations Class tonight. Everyone is so friendly and seems to enjoy themselves. Hopefully no one noticed but I felt very shaky. I think my medicine has me feeling like my insides are shivering. I don't recall feeling cold. I read somewhere that it can take up to 8 weeks get the medicine out of your system. I have 5 weeks to go!!

Melinda is doing really well today. Her and her husband have decided to sell their home. She also went out and bought the movie and the book, The Secret. I know she wants to feel happy again and I know she will.

I have a card class tomorrow night in which I know will be a huge success. We are sending these cards out to Iraq. Right now there are 10 people signed up.

I am totally enjoying the classes, the teachers, the students, and everything my job entails. I am looking forward to owning my Bed and Breakfast someday and catering to women who want to get away, do crafts and have fun.

Today I am thankful for:
My customers
My friends
My neighbor
my bed

I feel pretty!

The other day at Kohl's with two of my friends, we were discussing The Secret. All three of us have read the book. Now we all know, us women that is, that trying on clothes is never fun when you are unhappy with your weight. So, I decided to walk around the store singing......"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and GAY!" Before I knew it Rita was chiming in. In no time, we found a new outfit for Jenny to wear to work the next day in which she received a lot of compliments on! We wanted to turn this not so happy situation, into something fun and positive. From now on, I will sing that song when I get on a pair of pants that decide not to button or that have seemed to shrink A LOT! We need to be thankful for the body we have and ask the universe for a better one if we wish to be thinner, less wrinkled, or whatever. While we are waiting for our "new image" we need to think positive thoughts. Singing something silly took our minds off of the uncomfortableness of trying on clothes and not finding the right sizes. Try doing something funny when you are in this situation and feel how much better it makes you feel inside. And, if you ever hear someone in the store singing, "I feel pretty"...it is probably just me.

If you have seen the movie Anger Management, it makes singing this song
that much funnier. I highly suggest renting that movie if you are ever
in a bad mood.


At my store today I came up with an idea. Since my blogs, my poetry, positive emails and positive attitude seem to be flocking people my way, I have decided to have a special class at my store. For all of those who need help acquiring their dreams, I am hosting a class called Visualizing Your Dreams by Creating a Visual Board. This will be a 12x12 scrapbook page that will be in a frame for you to hang in your home or office. However, coming up with the pictures will be a task that you have to be willing to undertake. And, you will need them with you for the class. My visual board is hanging in the store. After researching online today I have been able to print out pictures of my dream car. my dream house, my dream pets, my dream Inn. Don't get me wrong, a 12x12 scrapbook page is not large enough to put everything I dream about on it. So, I went with the bigger things. The other things, I actually just wrote down. What this will do will help me to see all that I want in the future, feel how I would feel if I had these things now, and achieve them.

Funny thing is that I had a 'visual board' on my fridge 2 years ago. It had a picture of a dog, Disney World, a dream house, a dream car and an in ground pool. Without realizing it, I achieved my trip to Disney World and getting a dog, effortlessly in one year. And, this is after my husband insisted that we were not getting a dog nor would we have money for Disney. Did that make me give up.....no! Think about it, if we did not have dreams and goals, we would never have anything to look forward to! Besides life to me would be boring.

In my research of how The Secret works, I did realize that all of my 'don't wants' happened. When my husband and I were looking for a house I really didn't express what I wanted. I was much more focused on what I didn't want. I didn't want to live in town, I didn't want a small yard and I really really didn't want a twin. Guess what....I live in town, I hardly have a back yard and yes, it is a twin. Hmmmm, it is true that the universe only hears the word want. All of those don't wants, to the universe were actually wants. I had to learn the hard way. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate my home and the perks that it comes with. I have wonderful neighbors, I love that I can walk the kids to school....and work and that I have a big enough yard to have my gardens. However, my future home will be in the country with much bigger gardens and peacefulness that I do not have here at my current residence. I want to sit outside where it is quiet and admire my gardens and the sunset. I want my children to run around outside without worrying about the street. I want a pool that I can swim in naked if I want because my neighbors will be too far away to see me....LOL! Did you see what I am typing......all wants. I am going to eliminate don't from my vocabulary. You should consider that!

What I am thankful for today:
The gift of writing
My home
The use of Visual Boards
Funny movies
My dream car
My dream pets (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel named Belle and a Great Pyrenees...unsure of a name at this moment)
My dream house
Makenna being fully potty trianed!
The Secret

Remember when you are in that dressing room.......I feel pretty.....oh so pretty.....I feel pretty and witty and GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!

Home is where the heart is..

I now fully understand the meaning of Home is where the Heart is....

Being with two of my best friends, at two separate times yesterday, I was completely amazed at how this came about.

Melinda was again telling me that her house is just a house, filled with her stuff. She does not consider it her home. She has expressed this in the past as well. She and Marty own a beautiful home. It has something like 5 bedrooms, 5 and a half bathrooms, a full finished basement, an in ground pool, and lots more. However inside, she is feeling stressed and empty. It made me realize that you can own your dream house and yet, you can still be miserable.

Marty on the other hand you can tell feels very full-filled. He told me yesterday that his home is where he can spend time with the ones who love him. Marty doesn't care if he lives in a trailer home as long as he is with his family.

I looked back at my divorce and remembered feeling the same way as Melinda and Marty. Like Melinda had mentioned, she would leave everything behind except her and the kids beds, a table, her pets, and all the sentimental things she has received over the years. She would leave most everything behind to feel happy again. That is exactly how I felt when I was in my last marriage. Melinda has other things that are stressing her out. Marty and Melinda's marriage has nothing to do with her stress. However, she is still feeling lost and out of place in her home.

When I left my house behind during my divorce, I took nothing but clothes for Gavin and I and my pets. I left everything else there. And, I seriously didn't care. Everything else was material and could be replaced. All I knew is that I was miserable and that I had to change things. My home was no longer a home to me. I can totally relate to what Melinda and Marty both feel.

Melinda feels that her house is not a reflection of who she is as a person. She also is so miserable in her home that her heart is not there.

Marty feels that home is where his loved ones are and would live anywhere they can be together.

I was lost in my previous marriage to the point of not caring that I left my home or the things that filled it. I now know that you can own your dream house and it is only a house if you are miserable inside yourself. I now know the importance of catering to YOU first and truly being happy inside and out. It is not a selfish act at all. You only have one chance at life, why would you not want nor deserve to be happy?

I realize the importance of being happy and full-filled before pursuing your dreams. Once you feel the happiness that you deserve, no matter where you live or what kind of house you own, your heart will be in the right place.

Too much to talk about....

There is so much I could write about tonight that I do not even know where to start. My first choice would be at how amazed I am at Makenna with this potty training. She went from wanting nothing to do with it to almost completely trained in one week. She is still in underwear for the 6th day in a row. She has only had two accidents. Makenna doesn't want us to put a diaper on her at night because she feels that she is now a big girl. Well, what we usually do is put a diaper on her once she is asleep. Last night I fell asleep before I had the chance to put one on her. At 3am she woke me up to tell me that she needed to use the potty. Of course at first I am thinking this is totally a dream when I realized that she seriously was not wearing a diaper. I ran her into the potty and she went. I was so excited that I almost could not go back to sleep! I am so proud of her.

The other day I called the Christ Lutheran Church on Main Street to find out the details of registering her in pre-school. Makenna and I are going to head to the school in a couple of weeks to check it out. I want her to be introduced to religion since we only get to church at the holidays. I am totally one who thinks that their children should be introduced to different aspects of religion and different beliefs. However, I am not going to push it on my children. I want them to make their own decisions on what they believe in when the time is right. I will support any decision they make. To me and Jer, this school sounds like a good one to get Makenna interested in learning not just academics but a little bit of religion as well.

The next thing I want to express is how much I cried today! Everyone who knows me, knows that my friends are one of the most important things in my life. I consider myself very loyal, very giving, very trust worthy.... an all around good friend. I went to Melinda's today so that the kids could play since there was no school. Melinda expressed her negative attitude and how much she does not like herself right now. Being one that hates to see my friends hurting, I could not help but to cry with her. I know how important it is to stay strong for people when they need it. It was so hard for me to keep my feelings aside this time. When I went to visit Marty, her husband, at his work (a print shop) to discuss a project for a customer of mine and a new sign for out front of my building, we of course got on the topic of Melinda. That is when I lost it. It was as if, I had an easier time not being strong in front of Marty. With Marty's help I am sure we can get Melinda on the right path to happiness once again. When I left Melinda's house I called my friend Jenny. Again, talking about Melinda I started to BALL! It is so true that when your friends hurt, you hurt. Marty has been living The Secret as long as I have known him. He is always positive, always grateful and always able to turn the crappiest situation around. I am so thankful that Melinda has him by her side and I am so grateful that I have him in my life. Melinda's life will turn around very soon....I can feel it.

I need to pat myself on the back for being able to celebrate my second week without my Zoloft. Can you believe that I am not bald? Can you believe that I haven't punched a wall yet? I am amazed myself. I put The Secret into affect by stating that I want to be healthy without my medication. I want to live a healthy life without it. So far, I have been feeling pretty good. I have had my meltdowns and my angry moments which are just that, moments. For the most part, I feel a lot better. I feel more alive and happier, with more energy.

Tonight I am thankful for:
Being able to be there for a friend
Makenna with her potty training
Friendly's
Marty for allowing me to cry on his shoulder and for his help with my store.

Melinda for just being herself.

Jenny and Rita for making me laugh tonight at Kohl's

My kids who crack me up singing to Nickleback in the car (don't worry I fast forward the inappropriate songs)

My new website

Smiles, Laughter and Love By Amy Musser

True love comes easy when you love truly.

Smiles surround you when you give them away.
Laughter enlightens a heavy heart
even in ones darkest of days.

Laugh, even at the small stuff
Smile at the ones who frown

Love with your entire heart and soul

and watch your life turn around.

Three things that come so easy

yet some find it hard to do.
So surround yourself with laughter and love

and truly feel it within you.

When you feel these things deep inside
you will be an inspiration a

positive influence, a guide.

To all of those who are lacking

smiles, love and laughter

you can show them the way to their dreams

and what they should go after.
Be thankful, be grateful,

be positive and be a giver

and you will be amazed at

what the universe will deliver.

Good kids

I was not going to blog tonight but here I am. I am coming off of a very busy weekend. My son had 5 guests sleep over in celebration of his birthday. I am thankful that the house is still standing and we actually got some sleep! The kids were very well behaved. I expected nothing less since we attract what we want according to The Secret. I have always wanted nothing more than positive influences on my children and in my home. All of their parents have done an excellent job in raising their kids. They all have manners, are polite, great with Makenna, respectful of our pets and of our home and they listen. I love my friends, and I love their kids.

I cannot believe that Gavin will be 9 on Tuesday. Where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday that I was rocking him back and forth to The Backstreet Boys to get him to stop screaming. For some reason, that group always soothed him. He also loved the song Slide from the Goo Goo Dolls. The Goo Goo Dolls will always continue to be one of my favorite groups. Funny how certain songs can take us back in time. Because of music, there are moments that I will never forget.

Because I am lacking sleep, I am going to get going. Here is what I am thankful for today:
Music
Time with my family last night
Time with Jenny last night
The card class today which was a big hit
My friends and their children
My children
My pets
Makenna in underwear for her 5th day in a row!!
My $881 PartyLite show that closed tonight!!
A new venture I am about to intake
Forgiveness

It's All About Being Thankful

Today was a stressful day for me. It doesn't matter the details of the day. What matters is that it is over and tomorrow is a new day. So, I am not going to blog tonight about anything except what I am thankful for....

Being able to go out to dinner tonight with just me and my husband.
My children who are ever so peacefully sleeping in my bed. (They fell asleep watching Caillou together.)
Makenna in underwear for her third day and no accidents!!!
My awesome neighbors who always make me feel important and loved....in their own special way...LOL!
Jenny and Rita for watching my store tonight so that I could go out to eat.
My parents, my grandfather and my aunt....for taking the kids to Chuck E. Cheese tonight.
Zoe, one of my cats who is puring and laying here next to me.
Chocolate Brownie Sundaes!!
My health and family's health.
Blankets since I am FREEZING! (Sorry Beth.....I know you are always hot!)
Amy Grant for her music and her book which was such an inspiration to me.
The so far 5 people who's lives I have touched by passing on the book The Secret.
What is to come of my future....

Two Very Special People

Today I got a chance to view a dress similar to the dress that I am wearing in my friend Jenny's wedding. My word for the dress is GORGEOUS! This will be the first time I have ever been in or even attended a themed wedding. Her wedding is totally based on the Renaissance era. Our dresses will be burgundy and gold. Even though the wedding is not until 2010 I am sooo excited! Right now her fiance' Mark is over in Iraq. Jenny spends a lot of time at my store because of him being away. I think I may go through Jenny withdraw once he comes home....LOL!

I have to say, I am so glad that she has a place to go since it must be so hard for her to be planning this wedding without him. It has given me a chance to really get to know her. I have said before that she is one of the most positive people I know even though she has been through a lot. At times I know she is down however she always snaps out of it quickly and manages to see the positive in everything. Because of this she is a big inspiration to me.

My friend Rita is like my little sister. Her and I get to be in Jenny's wedding together. Even though Jenny and Rita are close to the same age, Rita is more like a little sister to me since I have known her since she was 8 years old. She has come such a long way and become such a wonderful person. I look at these two girls and think, "Was I this mature at their age?" I guess I had to be since I was in the same situations as them at the same age. Right now, it just seems so long ago! Rita has a very special relationship with Makenna which means so much to me. I am so happy that Makenna got a chance to be in Rita's wedding.

I am so thankful for all the times I get to spend with the two of them. I love being with them whether it be the three of us or just two of us. I admire both of them for following their dreams because I was so unlike them in the fact that I was too scared to.

Today I am thankful the relationships I have between two very special people in my life. Like Rita said at her rehearsal dinner, "I love you, isn't always said enough." Well girls, I love you both. I am thankful for the both of you and hope that as the years go by we can only grow closer and get to enjoy more time together......just don't be stealing my wind...LOL!

I am also thankful for:
Makenna in underwear for the second day in a row. And, no accidents!! WHOO HOO!
Green Tea since it always makes me feel warm inside and tastes so good.
My mom for all her help at the store and in getting Gavin's birthday things for me.
PartyLite
Makenna for all her hugs and I Love You's
Gavin and how proud I am that he did so well on all of his tests last week.
Melinda for helping me promote my business at her salon.

Mrs. Crabbypants

So, I have been taking myself off of my medicine (Zoloft)...don't worry I am doing it the way the doctor told me to. For right now, call me Mrs. Crabbypants. I feel angry at the world. I am going to try to this herbal medicine called Holy (pronounced Holly) Basil. It is supposed to make you think clearer and help you deal with stress and anxiety. I have yet to purchase the Holy Basil so please do not take my mood personally. My husband has been very supportive as well as my friends. This is something I feel I need to at least try. Thankfully I am smart enough to know when to go to my doctor and say, "I just cannot do it without meds anymore." Hopefully it will never come to that again. If you know anyone who has dealt with Bi-Polar Disorder, than you know how difficult it can be for both you and the other person.

I have been dealing with this since I was 15 years old. However, I was not diagnosed with this until I was 33, two years ago. First the doctors thought it was depression, then they said it was Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was told it was PTSD right after a disastrous relationship in my early twenties. Personally I didn't care what I had, I just wanted to get the right treatment. I went through horrible years in high school, sleeping my way through classes. I went through a spell where I was great until the end of my horrible relationship. Believe me, the end was a very positive thing but still it threw me into yet another bout of depression. One thing I have learned is that no matter if the event is happy or sad, it can still cause a person to go into a depression. Some people would say to me, "How can you be depressed? You just got married, had a wonderful wedding and honeymoon, what is the problem?" Well, someone with chronic depression can still react depressed after something wonderful because their body decides it was too much and shuts down. It was never in my control. When my body said it was done....it was done.

The next bout of depression did not happen until my son was born. I then of course had Post-Partum Stress Disorder. No one was surprised because someone with chronic depression has a much higher chance of having PPSD. However, my depression did not hit me hard until 2 years later. The effects of my grandmothers passing is what started me into the throws of the depression which peaked between one and two years later. Between that time, I had had a baby, started a business, closed a business, got divorced, and had to move back home with my parents. I managed to find myself in a satisfying relationship which certainly was not a healthy one. It was however, nothing like the one in my early twenties. The timing was off, we both had children that were not handling the mixing of the families and so on. During this relationship is when I really hit rock bottom.

I was so depressed that I would go to work, work on a client or two, come home and sleep only to get up and go back into work. When I look back I wonder how I even drove. I was so tired that I could not stay awake no matter how hard I tried. Every time Gavin would nap, I would nap. It was horrible. It was as if I could never get enough sleep. My body was telling me that it had been through enough. When I had to stay awake, I was miserable. Of course this ended my already stressful relationship because the one I was dating did not understand or care to understand what was wrong with me.

My mom has aways been a Dr. Phil fan. At this time he was promoting a book titled Self Matters. Because my mother always had his show on TV I ended up catching this one episode that talked about this book. You must know that besides Nancy Drew books as a kid or Danielle Steel books in my later teenage years, I really didn't take the time to read. Nor, could I ever stay awake if I tried to read before bed. I was determined to turn my life around so I went out and bought the book. I also made an appointment to see my doctor and let him know that I needed help.

In Self Matters, there is a section that is a workbook. Let me tell you, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It makes you remember some of your hardest times in life and actually deal with them. I then realized that because my body shuts down, I really never dealt with anything I had gone through. Section by section doing a time line of my life, I actually recalled the first memory I had that caused me anxiety. Now you must know that depression runs in my family and it can be hereditary.

I will not bore you will the endless details of what seemed to me horrible memories. However, I will fill you in on the very first one. If you have children, you need to realize that the events that take place when they are small can affect the rest of their lives. Like me, it may take them until they are in their twenties to figure that out.

My first memory is now something I can laugh about. But, you have to put yourself in a 5 year old frame of mind. My mom put me on the bus for my first day of kindergarten. I do not recall being nervous at all. Back then they did not have any identification around a child's neck stating where they are supposed to go. The bus stopped at a school, and I got off. When I entered the school I realized that I was the only one who was not wearing what everyone else was wearing. First clue that I was in the wrong place or my mom didn't dress me correctly. Wandering the halls, this really nice girl (I can still picture her face) came up to me and asked me if I was lost. Speechless, she took my hand and led me into a room filled with these horribly scary ladies in black gowns and these strange hats. As my heart raced, because at that time I had never seen a nun, I wanted to run. These two nuns were so nice to me and tried to reassure me that everything was going to be ok. I remember getting into the front seat of this large car and having to sit between these two women. I even remember the driver asking if I would be so kind to hold her wallet for her. The last thing I remember about that morning was walking into a different school and being led by a man in a suit. Of course it was the principle, Mr. Koch....some may know his sons that both teach at Saucon High School.

Imagine not knowing for years why you were so afraid of getting lost and not knowing why. Imagine sitting in school thinking everyone is making fun of you for what you are wearing. I remember the nightmares I would have about getting lost or having to be with a stranger. At 5 years old an event like this is scaring.

If it wasn't for Self Matters, I may still have those nightmares and never know why I have always felt lost, out of place, and so nervous. It is very important to sometimes piece together the events that led us to the person we are today. Because of dealing with this issue, I am over it. It may seem like an easy task but carrying that with me for all of those years made it that much harder to get over.

Please be aware of your children if they seem stressed out. Be there for them and let them deal with it in their own way and help them through it. I highly disagree with telling a child not to cry, suck it up, or stop being a baby. Children are not born with the experience on how to cope with issues that seem small to us but are very big to them. Some of us as adults still do not know how to cope or deal with issues. We have to take one step at a time and surround ourselves with positive people who will hold our hand through our most difficult times. If you look at it that way, you will see that a child only wants the same thing.

What I am thankful for today:
My health.
Makenna wearing underwear all day!!!
My patience with my kids.
My supportive family and friends.
The long road I have traveled and the lessons I have learned.
My cats who CRACK ME UP!
My dog who loves me unconditionally and shows it.

Withdraw

Have you ever felt like your insides were going to explode? If so, than you know how I am feeling right now. Because I have been extremely busy with tons of things going on in my life, I tend to forget to take care of myself.

Since my miscarriage in 2005, my doctors have kept me on Zoloft. For years it worked the best out of anything I was ever on. Lately it hasn't seemed to be working. The doctors had me try increasing the dosage and I only felt worse. So, I am not sure what to do from here. I would love to try something herbal and get myself off of this medication for good.

The reason I am going through withdraw is because I have not had my medicine since Friday and it is now Monday night. Yes, there is a reason why doctors tell you to talk to them before taking yourself off of your medication. It is amazing the feelings you can have when you are experiencing withdraw. Don't worry, I will have my medication tomorrow. I can actually say that I am mean, nasty, and very very antsy. So not me.

Just please take my advice and do not take yourself off of any medication without speaking to your doctor. I feel horrible that my husband and my children are the ones taking the brunt of this. Thankfully it will not be for long.

Tonight I am thankful for a patient husband and understanding children. I am thankful that I can understand why I am like this and try to deal with it the best that I can. I appreciate my life and all of the lessons I have learned, even the hard ones. Losing a child, even in utero is one of the hardest things in the world to get over. Even though I never held that baby in my arms, I will always hold it dear to my heart.

It was our first pajama day at Scrapbooking's Inn. Everyone was in their pajamas, slippers, and enjoying free coffee and snacks. It was a very enjoyable day. Our massage therapist was there, and man....he is GOOD! I love the fact that you do not have to be there to scrapbook to get a massage. He will massage anyone who comes in. I highly recommend Tom. He charges $1.00 per minute and I found that 20 minutes was a good enough time to make me feel better. My neighbor Rudy also catered the event with coffee cakes and raspberry bars....YUMMY! A lot of women were taking them home to their hubbies as well as treating themselves.

I am totally enjoying my job. In fact, I do not feel that it is a job. Jobs have always been hard, stressful, and for the most part, physically and mentally exhausting. Doing nails was not a stressful job however it was rough on the body. My back and my wrist would kill me. Since I have stopped doing nails, my back as improved and the cyst in my wrist is almost completely gone. I now understand the horrible effects of repetitive motion. Working in retail was very hard. Not only were you on your feet for sometimes 12 hours a day but you had to deal with managers or owners (sometimes both) who seemed as though they were from another planet. Plus, for all of the work you do, you never got paid enough. I will never forget the 5am inventories, working when I was too sick to stand but I could not find someone to cover for me, customers screaming at me because they didn't agree with our policies....and so on and so on. When the last store I worked in closed it's doors, it was actually a huge relief. I knew I would be find since I was already in school getting my nail license and already had a new job in the field lined up. I guess sometimes it takes having lots of crappy jobs to actually push yourself to start a new career.

After being a stay-at-home mom for well over 2 years, doing Avon, PartyLite, and nails on the side, little did I know that my scrapbooking would be my next career. Did I ever think that doing the one thing I thoroughly enjoyed as a hobby would become a dream job for me? No. All it took was a talk with my friend Rita, lots of notes and excitement and I was on my way. How I achieved it in 4 months was totally the work of The Secret.

Here are just a few ways The Secret has worked for me in the last few months:

1. I had two cancellations for my class this past Tuesday night. I went to work saying to myself, I am getting those two seats filled. I didn't care how it was going to happen, but it was. In the afternoon I had received a phone call from someone who was already signed up for the class. She had asked if her daughter could come and take the class with her. There was #1. Now, the class was to start at 6:30pm and it was now about 5:30pm. Still I was not giving up on that second person filling that seat. My phone rang again and it was my friend Heather. Guess what? She wanted to know if I had any seats left for the class. There was #2.


2. I needed gas money the other day and new I had no cash. So, I asked to find money to fill my tank. I was catching up with laundry that day. By the time my third load of laundry was done I had found $30. There was my gas money.


3. Before I knew about The Secret......... A long time ago I was estranged from my friend Heather. I wanted so badly for us to be friends again. I would pray, and picture us being friends like no time had passed. I never gave up thinking that it would happen some day. Over ten years went by before it happened but once again we are friends. Not only friends, but best friends. The best part was that when we did finally re-connect, it was as if no time had past.


4. Same thing happened with my friend Jamie. We were only apart for a short time. I did the same as I did with my feelings about Heather and my relationship. Jamie and I re-connected as if no time has past. The best thing about these two friends is that I know nothing will ever tear us apart again.


5. I had a PartyLite show last week. The hostess was bummed because she did not get her show up to the qualifying amount of $250. On the phone, I had told her not to worry since it would happen by the end of the night. We had to close her show by midnight. By 10:00pm I had her show up to $275. Here she was thinking she was only going to get $33 to spend on gifts for herself. When the show was said and done, she was able to spend $194.


6. I had another PartyLite show last night. It took me 55 minutes to get there. The entire drive I told myself that Amy was going to have an AWESOME show. I could feel it. The hostess credit is double this month and I wanted her to be able to get a majority of the things she had on her wish list. I left her house and her show was at $560. After today, her show is up to $640. I know it is only going to go up. As of right now Amy gets to spend $385 on anything PartyLite that she wants! PartyLite ROCKS! Did I mention that I will get a nice paycheck and I also got a PartyLite sponsor!! YEAH ME!


7. There are many other things that The Secret has helped me achieve like my store, my teachers, my customers, etc. The main thing it has helped me with is staying healthy. I asked to be healthy and that is how I am going to stay. I have not been sick since September, but I have been around sooooo many people who were.

What it comes down to is that you need to REALLY want what you are asking for. I am not asking for a million dollar house or a fancy car. All I want is to be healthy, have fun, have strong relationships with everyone in my life, and help others achieve the dreams they have for themselves. This is why my New Year's resolution was to pass The Secret to 10 people so that it would change their lives. So far, 3 people have borrowed the book, two people have bought it, one actually already had it in her house and is now reading it and others are in line to borrow it next. Everyone who has read it has seen a drastic change in their lives already. If you put The Secret into effect, your lives will blossom. It is not a self help book, it is not a religious book, it is the book that contains the secret to life.

For more information on The Secret go to: http://thesecret.tv/

Simple Things

Most people who know me, know that simple things make me happy. Amy Grant has a song titled Simple Things. Actually she has an album titled that. Those who know me also know that I truly believe in helping to make other people's lives easier and more fulfilling by doing simple things for them. You do not have to have money in order to be a giving person. I look at it this way: If I received money for a gift for my birthday, Christmas, or special occasion, I never remembered who gave it to me. It was not at all that I don't appreciate it, it just didn't leave that impression in my memory as does a gift someone picked out with me in mind. That is the reason I do not care for putting money in cards. To me it is thoughtless. Remember, this is only my opinion.

Some of the best gifts I have received over the years left a lasting impression on me. Mainly because the person giving the gift really took the time to find something they new I would like. Some of them didn't cost any money at all. I consider all of the things I have learned from the many mentors in my life, the bests gifts I received that were free. Everyday, I look at the new day as a gift. My friends are gifts, my customers are my gifts, my family, my pets, and especially my children. I paid nothing for these and yet they are the best gifts one could get.

I feel that if we treat these gifts as precious as they are, we will receive more. We will also appreicate the simpler things in life. When times are tough these gifts are what get us through. Money does not last forever but our simplest gifts, the lives we touch and the memories we make are what will.

We always end up having some negativity in our lives. In the book The Secret it states that we are magnets. We attract negative if we think negative. The up side is that we will attract positive we we think positive. There are days that I am not so positive. Believe it or not, today is one of them.

I cannot help but to think why some people cannot see, realize, appreciate the simplest things. Sometimes it is doing the simplest thing that makes ones life a little easier. Lately with my store, PartyLite, the kids, the pets, Avon, doing nails and taking care of things around the house I have been feeling very overwhelmed. If there was one thing I would love to not do, it is the house work. I would not stop any of the other things because I absolutely love them. If I could not have to do laundry, if I could not have to clean, if I could stop having to do the dishes and all the other crap....my life would be much easier. Plain and simple, with how busy I am, I totally dislike doing the household chores. HOWEVER, I have to. There is no choice in the matter. My family has to have clothes to wear, dishes to eat off of, a place to put the trash, and so on and so on. I would love to see what would happen if one day I just stopped. I actually already know that answer. Wash would be piled even higher than it is now, the animals would never be fed, dishes would be laying in the sink, the carpet would be completey in need of vacuuming, shoes and coats would be drapped and thrown everywhere, there would be mold in the tub, poop stuck to the inside of the toilet....want me to continue? Sorry to get so graphic LOL!

We all have things in life that we do not want to do, whether it be go to a crappy job, take care of someone who is needy, clean, change poopy diapers, whatever. However, if we didnt do these things, life would be harder, not as fulfilling, and quite messy. We all have to do things we don't want to do, but we do them anyway.

Don't even get me started on excuses. In my lifetime I think I have heard every one in the book. I have no time for them. What it comes down to is that ya just didn't want to do whatever it was, plain and simple. My friend Heather and I are so much alike that we vent a lot to each other about this subject. She is upset that people these days do not have the work ethic that her and I do. Her and I agree totally when it comes down to excuses are just ways to say, "I didn't want to do it, or I just don't care to do it." The best excuse is, "I forgot." In the book The Secret one of the main quotes that sticks out in my mind is 'Remember to remember." I believe this is said not only to benefit yourself but to benefit others. We all lose things, we all forget things once in a while. I firmly believe that it is the things we dislike to do or do not really care about that we forget. You must be careful, because you never know who you are hurting by forgetting something. It may not be important to you, but it may be to someone else.

In closing.....

Remember that it is the simple things that take little effort that can brighten someone's day. It is doing a small task that will be a huge help to someone else. It is the gifts from the heart that mean more than from the wallet. And be thankful and grateful for all that you have. Does that seem simple enough? It does to me.

Blessed

Today I am feeling very blessed. Tuesday night we had our first class taught by Beth. She taught how to make 3 different Valentine's Day cards, and stamping and embossing techniques. The cards were beautiful. When I check out her blog I can see all of the cards and projects she does and all of them impress me. Beth is very creative.

Then there is Sally. Sally will be teaching a card club at my store. Last night Sally emailed me the pictures of the cards that she will be teaching in her first class. My breath was taken away! I cannot get over how creative these ladies are!

And Rudy....well anyone who has tried any of his cakes will know that they are delicious as well as decorated beautifully. He will be catering my Pajama Crop this Sunday.

Kathy our knitting teacher has made some absolutely amazing things. Her scarves are gorgeous and her jewelry is so cool! I cannot wait to see the other things she creates.

Jayne and Mary Ann are so wonderful. These ladies are so fun and so creative. They will be teaching us how to make paper with shaving cream and ink. Their cards are so beautiful. I have not seen Jayne's paint cans yet, but I can only imagine how awesome they are.

Then there is my sister-in-law who always amazes me at how quickly she can create anything. Her classes are so fun, her projects are amazing and she is always coming up with new ideas.

So, I am very blessed to have this many creative people working in my store and sharing their creativity with others. I am so blessed that they are good hearted people who take pride in everything they do and everyone they teach.

When I first started my business, I asked to be surrounded by good people who had wonderful ideas and who were creative. I have definitely been blessed with these wonderful people who surround me. Not only do they make my already awesome job more amazing, but they keep me motivated, positive and very thankful.

Kate's Classics

Last night on the phone with my friend Jenny, we closed her PartyLite show. PartyLite is a company that I am a direct seller for. They sell candles, spa items, candle accessories and much more. Jenny and I were on the phone until after midnight just chatting. When I got off the phone I could not sleep. I kept thinking of how much I love PartyLite and how PartyLite helped Jenny and I become very good friends. I am not that active with PartyLite right now because of my store. However, I do have another show this Saturday night.

Today when I was getting my games together and printing out the hostess specials for Saturday, I started to become very excited again about getting out there and doing this show. The hostess Amy is a girl who had a show for me 2 years ago. I knew she would host another one since she loves the products and so did all of her guests.

Suddenly I realized that if it wasn't for Kate, my unit leader, I would not have even thought about having a dream to go after. Maybe I never thought that I was cut out to have my own business. Maybe I thought my Bi-Polar Disorder would get in the way. Then there is the fear of failing.

When I started PartyLite, one of the reasons I loved it is because your unit leaders were not up your butt. I also liked that I didn't get anything taken away from me if I didn't get to any meetings, or for having an empty calendar. Ya know, the only person I was hurting by not having a full calendar or going to the meetings was me.

Because Kate is in New Jersey it was very difficult for me to get to her meeting. I have to say that I did get to some of the meetings and man were they a BLAST! However, I was lucky enough to come accross another unit leader from the Lehigh Valley area who was more than willing to take me under her wing. Jen allowed me to attend her meetings so that I could get the training I needed and it allowed me to be in bed at a decent hour.....unlike Kate's meetings which would get me home after midnight. Kate was very happy to know that I was going to meetings even though they were not hers. Both Jen and Kate were very different in their training but equally as good.

I look back to all those times that Kate called me and inspired me. I would get off the phone and do everything we had discussed. Whether it be make goals, call customers, or whatever, I always had the motivation after getting off the phone with her. At one meeting she wanted me to discuss in front of everyone how I took my business from nothing to booking shows. I was a little nervous, mainly because I was talking about myself. I was thinking....who cares about me? What is funny is that Kate cared. Kate was not looking at me to make her money. Kate was looking at me to make my own dreams come true. At that time, I really didn't know what my dreams were.

Now that I am sitting here in my store, looking at everything I could want....for now....I thank Kate for showing me that we can figure out what we want and get it. I will always be a part of Kate's Classics, our unit, because I will always sell PartyLite. It is not an obligation but something I thoroughly enjoy. Hopefully in time Kate and I can meet up. I just emailed her today and thanked her for helping me create my dreams. Unfortunately with how busy I have been I have not taken the time to fill her in on my latest accomplishments....until now.

Today I am thankful for Jen for allowing me to attend her meetings and treating me as though I was a part of her unit. I thank her for giving me motivation to keep going and helping me go after my dream. I am thankful for Kate who helped me create my dream and for showing me that all things are possible. Both of them have been very positive influences in my life and I will never forget them.