Just feeling like a huge scab was ripped off my life, I am preparing to heal once again. Why does life have to go the way it does sometimes? Why do we have to hurt others? Why do we have to be hurt? I know that we can only see our furture a few feet at a time. At this moment, I would like just one glimps of the entire picture. Maybe it would help me feel better, maybe it would give me more hope.
My mind and body got quickly pushed into protective mode. The one person I know would never hurt me, ended up feeling the brunt of my pain. It is like I am on Auto. I automaticly want to push people I care about away before they can hurt me. Shawn quickly reminded me that the fear of that is manifested in my own mind. He reminded me of how strong I am and how I chose to allow the hurt to continue or step on it like a scary spider and not allow it to get the best of me. While this is easier said than done, it is what I am going to try to do, squish it like the hairy, scary spider it is.
God is probably tired of hearing me cry and plead, "Take the pain away, keep me strong, give me the faith that I am lacking." In the middle of sobs I felt as though someone was hugging me, around my back. It was as if there were one or more presences trying to tell me I was not alone. While it made me feel a tiny bit better I was angry, sad, frustrated and still felt very alone. God was with me. I know he was. He was hearing me cry, he was trying to carry me through but I was too upset to let anything go. Here I am a couple of days later, feeling still the sting, but I feel better being reassured that I have tons of people who love and care about me. I have tons of people who would never hurt me, ever. It makes me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I may not have a clear path, but I am definitely ready to take on the challenges. My support is with me every step of the way. God bless my friends and Shawn for they are the glue that holds me together in times like these.
What I am thankful for today:
the power of prayer
a good time Saturday night
being able to run for 3 miles now
Linda (Jeremy's Mom)