Thursday, October 29, 2009

Letting Go of the Ones We Love

Today ended up being a very different day than I had expected. I called it, Spontaneous and Emotional. Nothing was planned, and what I did do was a very emotional thing. Being on the phone with one of my best friends who is in the process of losing her grandmother, I found myself wanting to reach out in a way I never thought I could. Melinda and I have seen each other through so much in the last 14 years. We have seen each other in many different lights. When my grandmother passed away, I was not in the same place as Melinda is watching her grandmother through the dying process. I was selfish. I felt bad for the suffering that Mimi was experiencing, but I could not get past the suffering that I felt in order to let her go. The emptiness that I had feared since I was a child, was becoming a very unwanted reality.

A family member of Melinda's is feeling very similar to how I did. While Melinda is at peace with this and praying for her grandmother to go home and be at peace, this family member is scared for what lies ahead after Nan's passing. After I opened up to Melinda about my feelings when Mimi passed away, we both agreed that it would be very beneficial for me to have a talk with her Aunt. Going to Nan's house today was very emotional to me. I had no idea what she was going to look like, nor did I want to remember her at such an ill state. When I saw her laying in her bed, she looked so peaceful. I looked at her and told her that she already looked like an angel. My heart felt peaceful.

I had a chance to stand next to Nan and rub my fingers over her forehead. She opened her eyes and said to me, "I just want to go home. I want to die." Tears streamed down her face as I felt that huge lump in my throat. I told her that she needed to pray and ask God to take her home. I also told her that we were all praying for her as well. While Melinda was by her side I took a walk whith her Aunt. When asking if she was ok, she answered that she was now but did not know how she would be once Nan was gone. My only way of explaining my own selfishness to Melinda's Aunt was to say that, "When we revolve our lives around one single person for so many years, it is almost impossible to even think of them leaving." Knowing that I told myself as a child that Mimi would never leave me, Melinda's Aunt admitted to me that she never pictured her life without her mom. It is a huge transition in our lives. Neither Melinda's Aunt nor I wanted to see our loved ones suffer at all. It is just a matter of not knowing how to stop our own pain and not knowing if we ever will.

Our talk went well. I know it was as beneficial to me as it hopefully was to Melinda's Aunt. It is ok to be selfish, angry, frustrated...and so on. God will forgive us, even if we feel angry at him. Nan asked Melinda's Aunt to stay by her side. So, I told her to go be there and embrace each moment she has left with her. Tell her the things that she feels because I had always regretted not telling Mimi all the things I had wanted to say. I tell Mimi fact she is the one I talk to most. She was my best friend and continues to be. And unlike the few years after her death, I have healed from the loss of Mimi. I know Melinda's Aunt will as well. It takes time, prayer and support from those who love you.

I am deeply grateful that I had the chance to know Nan for the last 14 years. I am thankful that she was an inspiration to me and all those who surounded her. I honor her faith and her strength and her belief in God. I pray tonight that Nan passes in peace and isn't holding on because she is afraid to leave Melinda's Aunt behind. I am eternally grateful for the chance to tell Nan good-bye and that I loved her. She has always treated me like a part of her family and because of that, I am truly blessed.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of one's actions or beliefs.

Do you know that besides God there are only two beings that know how to give unconditional love to it's fullest? Any ideas? It is our pets and our children. We can lock our pets outside without food and water for a week and they will still love us. We can smack them on the but with a newspaper when they pee on the floor...and they still love us. We can go months without paying any attention to our pets, and yet they still come running when we come in the door, they still sleep at our feet at night, they still show affection.

Same goes with children. A friend of mine is a social worker and used to tell me stories of her times going into homes to take away babies and pets from abused homes. These babies are beaten, neglected, malnurished by their parents and yet, they still want to be held by them and they still love them.

As I get older, I now finally at 36 years of age, know what unconditional love means. For me, it is taking the good and the bad of a person and loving them anyway. It is looking past their flaws and embracing the good in them. It is standing by their side through any given situation whether you believe it is wrong or right. It is the understanding that when we have a problem with someone else, it is actually an issue with ourselves. Once we realize that we can let go of the opinions and learn how to deal with people and situations much better. Not everyone is going to like everything about a person. Thanks to Heather not only did she point this out but she also made sure that I knew it is ok. It is how we deal with what we do not like about that person that matters.

There are 4 families that after being around them for over 15 years, I can see the uncontional love they have for one another....and for me. They have made me a part of their families with no hesitation. I have seen them over come such struggles and hold each others hands while going through it. I hope and pray that I can learn from them in order to be as they are with my children. I may not agree with their decisions as they get older, but I will always be there for them....letting them know that along the way. I always tell my children I love them and I always will. I will be there by their side through everything....maybe biting my lip at times, but know they need to grow and learn without my opinions. I want them to learn how to practice unconditional love so that they can pass it on to others that enter their lives. I am still learning and will continue to learn knowing that everything takes time.

What I am thankful for today:
The Borelli's
Jamie's entire family
Melinda's entrie family
The Platt's
my children
my pets
my teachers my customers
my friends
my family
unconditional love
this beautiful day

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Do You Honestly Heal Your Emotional Wounds

Through therapy sessions I have learned the difference between healing tears and tears of depression and saddness. I have learned that if you are still crying over something and it has been years since it has happened, you are not crying healing tears. You may not be one to talk to a therapist, you may not be someone who talks about issues at all. And, you do not need to talk to anyone other than God. Know that talking does help no matter how much it hurts. Surpressing feelings will not allow the healing process to even start. It also makes a person spiteful, angry, frustrated, and unable to grow. It also keeps a person from being able to be truly grateful.

Most of us have suffered from a broken heart. Whether be a loss of a mate, a pet, a friend, a relative, even a child. Some have experienced all of the above, including myself. Some have experienced other tragedies that keep them mourning for years. We all need to heal and let go of the weight we carry which keeps our heart feeling heavy.

Life is too short. We need to let go and move on. We honestly are not living if we chose to keep mourning events and loss from the past. Turn those tears of saddness and loss into healing tears. Cry with hope instead of loss. Ask your angels to put their hands on your shoulder, ask God for help in healing. Ask the universe how if you are unsure. You will get your answer.

I have come a long way from losing a friend in a car accident, watching my grandmother lose her battle with cancer (who was also my best friend), losing a baby, losing jobs, losing relationships...and so on. And although there will always be that little part of me that misses the people I have lost....I know they are still there. I do not cry anymore over the fact that they are not physically here. I rejoice in the memories of the time I got to spend with them. I embrace the memories through pictures and visions in my head. I talk to them as though they are standing right next to me. I am fulfilled because I know they are still right beside me, alhtough I cannot see them. I am healed.

What I am thankful for today:
the time I had with the love ones I have lost
the power of prayer
the power to heal yourself
time with my children
the friendships I have had for a long time and the friendships I am creating now.
healing and the healing of others
the article in The Morning Call
the call I got today from Saucon Mannor
the health of my loved ones and myself
my peaceful mind, body, and spirit
my home
my store

Monday, October 19, 2009

An Unexpected Email

I recevied this email from a very old friend of mine today and wanted to share it.

Reading through this I thought about you and the strength you have to conquer all. I know that times have been rough, but you truly are an inspiration to many (including your family) for setting goals and pushing forward until achieving each and every one. I am glad to hear that things are going well for you. Hopefully the shop is staying busy. Talk to you soon.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful.
But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning that other colour, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day(if I feel like it).



Sometimes I wallow in self pity. But it isn't long before I realize that it gets me no where. Everyday I write or say at least 50 things that I am thankful for. There is so much in my life right now that I could be ungrateful about, however I do not allow my focus to go there. Besides I am surrounded by people who support me and love me for who I am. Those who feel they know how I should live my life I have distanced myself from. So, I am in a good place. My children are happy and well taken care of and I am feeling better than I have in a long time. Everything works out if I stay positive. Although my vehicle is being used by Jeremy at this time, because of my friends and my cousins, I always have a way to get where I need too. Although I do not have a printer, my neighbor and Jeremy always make sure to print out what I need for the store. My neighbor and my friend Jen offer to watch my kids if I need someone (which is not often at all.) These are just examples of the ways people are helping me. I am so fortunate that I have the friends I have and the support from Jeremy despite our situation. I can stay focused on my store and I have been inspired to be more creative while I am there. Yes things at the store were slow. And, I believe being surrounded by negative people made it more diffcult for the positive to flow through me and through my store. New customers are in every weekend and so many people are putting my store on their facebook, passing around flyers for me, displaying my business cards and so on. I am very blessed and so thankful for each and every person who helps me, supports me, and makes my life easier. Funny thing is that I do not have to ask people, they offer. It is amazing what keeping a positive attitude can do. Of course I return the favors, what are friends for?

What I am thankful for today:
my friends, old and new
people telling me that I inspire them
new customers
my strength
positive attitudes
those who love and support me the way I am and do not try to change me or the way I live my life.
my children
Chloe aka Monkey and how affectionate she has been towards me lately.
new classes
Makenna's school pictures which are BEAUTIFUL!
the pumpkin patch tomorrow with Makenna and Gavin
Randy and Diane for allowing me to use their vehicles
everyone who helps me with my business
each and every new day
my health
each moment spent with the ones I love

Thursday, October 15, 2009

You Choose

The Secret

Understand that you are not condemned to being stuck in your past, you are not just your past. Sure, that’s part of you, it even helps define you and inspire you. But it’s entirely up to you whether your past acts as an anchor or a launch pad. Make the choice: you can choose to play the victim and stay the victim, or change the script, stick the S on your chest, and become a hero.

OOOOOHHH! I love this! Growing up with a friend, who is now in the past, I remembered how toxic she was to me because her negativity. I remember her constantly blaming her past for everything that was going wrong in her life. Recently I have heard that she was diagnossed with MS. And, not to my surprise.... she is not handling at all.

Now, my dad's best friend's wife...(got that? LOL!) has MS and has had it for a while now. She was a dance teacher. When I used to do her nails, I remember thinking, "Wow, she does not act like anything is wrong with her." She was always smiling, laughing, and being an inspiration to everyone around her. She actually turned a bad thing into a very positive thing. She does MS talks to those who have been diagnossed with the disease. She also still continues to teach dancing to adults. Yes, she has her daily struggles and some days are worse than others. However, she keeps her way of thinking, positive. She does not place blame, and her attitude and open mind are what keep her 'swimming.'

Here are two women with the same disorder. Each of them made completely different choices. One, will probably go down hill pretty fast because of her negative ways while the other continues to shine and make the best of each day.

We do have the choice to handle a situation either in a positive or negative way. Just like we have the choice to keep blaming our past for everything, or treat it as lessons learned and know days ahead will be better. It is all in your mind. It takes one negative thought, then another and another to ruin your day. Good news is that it works the same way with positive thoughts. Turn that one negative thought into a positive thought, then another and another. You will then see the turn around. If you cannot think positive, then write down or say a few things that you are grateful for. This will bring those positive thoughts into your head and your heart.

Stop placing blame and remember that we all make the best decisions for us no matter what anyone else thinks. Stop living in the past. You want to be positive, then do so. It is YOUR choice.

What I am thankful for today:
people who inspire me
time with Makenna
a good nights sleep last night
a great day today
lessons learned
my kids
Disney movies
hot tea
practical jokes (thank you!)
Melinda possibly moving closer really soon!!!!
my hair cut tomorrow...been since July!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Psalm 91:4

He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Psalm 91:4

Could this be why I am seeing feathers all the time? I read this in my Beliefnet article yesterday. If you are interested in receiving these articles, go to They have some awesome angel sighting pictures along with articles to uplift your spirit. The quotes are uplifting as well. And, there are many suggestions on how to get through difficult times.

Last night after getting myself a cup of hot tea, winding down after an awesome day a the store yesterday, I noticed the sunset out my front window. It was numerous shades of pink and orange and very hard to miss. Whenever I see a beautiful sunset, I always point it out to my kids. It is such a wonderful thing to see all that nature gives to us and yet it asks for nothing in return. Makenna was so excited that we had to go sit on the porch and watch it. I took my tea and sat there with her. Her smile was from ear to ear as she pointed out all the amazing colors she saw. She could have stayed there all well as myself. It kept changing to darker shades as the sun went down. It was amazing. Because Makenna had to brush her teeth, she went in the house with Jer. It was getting chilly anyway. I remained outside finishing my tea. I decided to take that quiet moment and pray. When I was done, I envisioned that sunset out of the front windows of my dream home. I pictured myself on my deck in a rocking chair feeling the soft breeze on my face. I could feel that I was not alone. It was a sense of peace and contentment. We all should take some time out in our day to pray and to dream. It calms the spirit and clears the mind of negativity. Give yourself that time to be thankful and ask God for the strength that you need to make the best of each day ahead. Sometimes all it takes is 5 minutes. We all are worth it.

What I am thankful for today:
The girls who came to PMS Day yesterday:
My Best Friend's Wedding ("from the moment I wake up...I say a little prayer for you!")LoL!
my children
my friends
my pets
the health and happiness of my loved ones and myself
the power of prayer
dreams and goals
being down 20 pounds!! WHOO HOO!
walks with Jen
a wonderful day today!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

A Forever Friend

How excited am I right now? Not only did I have yet another fabulous session at The Healing Place today but my bestest friend in the world has moved back to the Lehigh Valley! I cannot express how happy I am to have Jamie close by. My therapist calls Jamie and I Soul Sisters. We act as one person. God has blessed us both by putting us together through our lives journey. We talk or email almost every single day. We end our conversations and emails with, "I love you." Not many are as blessed with such a wonderful friendship as we are. We have had our ups and downs, but we always come out on top. Our friendship continues to grow stronger with each passing day. It is amazing to me that we can read each other's minds, finish each others sentences, feel each other's feelings, sense when something is wrong. We share in each others excitement, cry with each other when we are sad, vent with each other when we are angry. We are each others cheerleader, confidant, therapist, angels here on earth.

Here is another poem that Jamie wrote to me:
A Forever Friend
How I wish my words could say
just what you mean to me today.
The love, support, and care we give
helps us both to better live.
Always there for you, I swear,
nothing could not keep me there.
No matter what the future brings,
you and I remain all things.
A forever friend in you I've found
to be with me til life goes down.

I dedicate this poem A Forever Friend to you Amy my best friend. With love forever and always,

What I am thankful for today:
our everlasting friendship
her only being 15 minutes away!!
unconditional love
silly moments
wonderful memories
my friends
The Healing Place
Diane for watching Makenna and taking me to my appointment
Jen for walking with me in the wind and leaves this morning (hopefully you will not get hit with anymore acorns....LOL!)
my peaceful mind
a great conversation with Jenny yesterday
new PartyLite products
hot tea
the colorful leaves
Tiramisu (thank you Rudy for taking out Mak and I yesterday!)
clean laundry
clean bathrooms
my abundance of time and energy
my health and the health of my loved ones

Sunday, October 4, 2009

You Will Rise

"If you feel angels in your hair
Teardrops of joy run down your face
You will rise" DM

A phrase that continues to run through my head....
I will rise and be stronger with each passing day. I will also be right here, in the hands of God. Those who are by my side will be those who remain my dearest friends until the end. God bless everyone who has made my life so much easier and fulfilling. God bless you for being so true to me and so loyal. I will spend the rest of my life showing you how thankful I am. I love you all.

What I am thankful for today:
my friends
a positive mind, body and sprit
my children
Rachel and the time I had with her and the kids
new PartyLite
a clean house
Burger King chicken fries and onion rings
a beautiful day today
new customers
a wonderful day tomorrow

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Everlasting Love

In my venture of routing through my old things, I have come accross yet another poem written to me. This one is from Jamie.

Everlasting Love
There is something special that you hold,
You have never acted towards me, bitter nor cold.
Always willing to lend me a hand or even your shoulder,
Nothing you have done for me could have been bolder.
Not one person could possibly come close to relpacing you.
There have been many memories along with laughs which
somehow managed to get the both of us through.
I cannot begin to express to you;
You remain the sole person who I can unquestionably trust.
That remains a miracle, for with our friendship that is a must.
I never would have expected you to be this true.
You stand beside me though the colorful times,
even those which are blue.
Nothing will ever take our friendship away from me.
We will prove to them that we have that everlasting friendship,
let them just wait and see.
An everlasting love that we share,
will always carry me through all times, especially when I need you there.

By Jamie 9/02

What I am thankful for today:
The fact that I have such wonderful friends and that we make each others lives so much more fulfilling.
Everlasting love
Everlasting friendship
my children
my pets
the gift of time
each and every new day
the sunshine
changing of the seasons
upcoming PartyLite shows
my store
my home
my health and the health of my loved ones
signs from my angels