Know one knows why things happen. Know one really knows what a person may be going through in their personal life. Know one knows what it feels like to be someone else. What we do know is that there are so many emotions that come with any change in our lives and the lives of those we love. How we deal with it is what matters.
There is so much negativity at the gym right now that you can feel it when you walk in the doors. Our 'sunshine' is no longer with us and we have yet to find a replacement. Members are asking questions, Heather is extremely stressed out and things are very different. People used to think I was crazy that I actually enjoyed going to the gym to clean and watch children. But the reason I loved it was because of the people. Hopefully this transition will be over soon and the 'sun' will shine once again. For now, we have to make the best of it.
Gavin is my biggest concern right now. These stomach aches which are now only happening when he has school have me thinking back to a darker time in my own life when I felt the same way. Thankfully there are so many more options for him and Craig and I, that we are bound to find something to help him cope with his emotions...eventually. Linda from The Healing Place is going to work with him to see if there is anything she can do. Craig is also very busy looking into therapy for him and Gavin.
I am so thankful that Craig is willing to help me and willing to do whatever it takes for the benefit of our son. I see parents all the time thinking that things will get better on their own and they end up getting worse as time goes on. I see this in adults too. There are so many who continue to walk the same path waiting for something to change but it has to come from within. You have to search your heart and ask God to lead you to where you should be. It is then that the answers will come. Search, ask, communicate with others. Take a risk or even a 'leap of faith'. Nicole at the shelter reminded me of a fortune cookie that I once received that said "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." To me it means if you are unhappy, stop complaining about it and change the situation. If you continue to live life the way you have, nothing will change. Life will be a HUGE circle of events which may be different but you will end up feeling the same way. Step out of your life and take a look inside. Do you see a pattern?
I pray for Brad and I pray for Gavin every single day. I want Brad to find what his heart desires in hopes that it leads him back to the people who care about him most. I pray that he gets the help he needs so that his pattern in life does not continue. I want him to be truly happy. I pray that Gavin learns the skills that he lacks to cope with stress and anxiety. I pray he finds peace within. I want him to be a kid....a happy kid. One that finds joy in the little things in life as his sister does. I pray that God gives Craig and I the education and the patience that we lack to cope with Gavin during this time.
I have seen many people change their ways for the better, me included. Shawn has never been so positive and motivated like he is now. I am so thankful for his sister and the relationship we have created over the past two years. Although she continues to thank me for Shawn's complete turn around, I know that Shawn had to find himself again on his own. My prayers have been answered.
What I am thankful for today:
God as my rock
my friends who continue to support me and love me for who I am
Linda and her gift of healing
the power of prayer
time to myself (which is extremely rare but well appreciated!)
the power to change into someone better than who I was
the energy to exercise
Shawn who continues to amaze me every single day
strength and courage to try new things and take 'leaps of faith'
the power of a positive mind
Dwayne for always smiling and making me realize that life is good
therapy (which some people do not admit they need but I wish they would LOL!)
flowers starting to bud!! WHAA HOO!
my mom for expressing her love for me and how proud she is of who I have become.
my dad for teaching me my work ethic and my love for helping others.
dinner with Linda and Bob on Sunday
time with my niece and nephew
Clara telling me every time she sees me that she loves me.
running, which I have actually grown to love
the health of my loved ones
the simple things in life