I was not going to blog tonight but here I am. I am coming off of a very busy weekend. My son had 5 guests sleep over in celebration of his birthday. I am thankful that the house is still standing and we actually got some sleep! The kids were very well behaved. I expected nothing less since we attract what we want according to The Secret. I have always wanted nothing more than positive influences on my children and in my home. All of their parents have done an excellent job in raising their kids. They all have manners, are polite, great with Makenna, respectful of our pets and of our home and they listen. I love my friends, and I love their kids.
I cannot believe that Gavin will be 9 on Tuesday. Where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday that I was rocking him back and forth to The Backstreet Boys to get him to stop screaming. For some reason, that group always soothed him. He also loved the song Slide from the Goo Goo Dolls. The Goo Goo Dolls will always continue to be one of my favorite groups. Funny how certain songs can take us back in time. Because of music, there are moments that I will never forget.
Because I am lacking sleep, I am going to get going. Here is what I am thankful for today:
Music
Time with my family last night
Time with Jenny last night
The card class today which was a big hit
My friends and their children
My children
My pets
Makenna in underwear for her 5th day in a row!!
My $881 PartyLite show that closed tonight!!
A new venture I am about to intake
Forgiveness
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
It's All About Being Thankful
Today was a stressful day for me. It doesn't matter the details of the day. What matters is that it is over and tomorrow is a new day. So, I am not going to blog tonight about anything except what I am thankful for....
Being able to go out to dinner tonight with just me and my husband.
My children who are ever so peacefully sleeping in my bed. (They fell asleep watching Caillou together.)
Makenna in underwear for her third day and no accidents!!!
My awesome neighbors who always make me feel important and loved....in their own special way...LOL!
Jenny and Rita for watching my store tonight so that I could go out to eat.
My parents, my grandfather and my aunt....for taking the kids to Chuck E. Cheese tonight.
Zoe, one of my cats who is puring and laying here next to me.
Chocolate Brownie Sundaes!!
My health and family's health.
Blankets since I am FREEZING! (Sorry Beth.....I know you are always hot!)
Amy Grant for her music and her book which was such an inspiration to me.
The so far 5 people who's lives I have touched by passing on the book The Secret.
What is to come of my future....
Being able to go out to dinner tonight with just me and my husband.
My children who are ever so peacefully sleeping in my bed. (They fell asleep watching Caillou together.)
Makenna in underwear for her third day and no accidents!!!
My awesome neighbors who always make me feel important and loved....in their own special way...LOL!
Jenny and Rita for watching my store tonight so that I could go out to eat.
My parents, my grandfather and my aunt....for taking the kids to Chuck E. Cheese tonight.
Zoe, one of my cats who is puring and laying here next to me.
Chocolate Brownie Sundaes!!
My health and family's health.
Blankets since I am FREEZING! (Sorry Beth.....I know you are always hot!)
Amy Grant for her music and her book which was such an inspiration to me.
The so far 5 people who's lives I have touched by passing on the book The Secret.
What is to come of my future....
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Two Very Special People
Today I got a chance to view a dress similar to the dress that I am wearing in my friend Jenny's wedding. My word for the dress is GORGEOUS! This will be the first time I have ever been in or even attended a themed wedding. Her wedding is totally based on the Renaissance era. Our dresses will be burgundy and gold. Even though the wedding is not until 2010 I am sooo excited! Right now her fiance' Mark is over in Iraq. Jenny spends a lot of time at my store because of him being away. I think I may go through Jenny withdraw once he comes home....LOL!
I have to say, I am so glad that she has a place to go since it must be so hard for her to be planning this wedding without him. It has given me a chance to really get to know her. I have said before that she is one of the most positive people I know even though she has been through a lot. At times I know she is down however she always snaps out of it quickly and manages to see the positive in everything. Because of this she is a big inspiration to me.
My friend Rita is like my little sister. Her and I get to be in Jenny's wedding together. Even though Jenny and Rita are close to the same age, Rita is more like a little sister to me since I have known her since she was 8 years old. She has come such a long way and become such a wonderful person. I look at these two girls and think, "Was I this mature at their age?" I guess I had to be since I was in the same situations as them at the same age. Right now, it just seems so long ago! Rita has a very special relationship with Makenna which means so much to me. I am so happy that Makenna got a chance to be in Rita's wedding.
I am so thankful for all the times I get to spend with the two of them. I love being with them whether it be the three of us or just two of us. I admire both of them for following their dreams because I was so unlike them in the fact that I was too scared to.
Today I am thankful the relationships I have between two very special people in my life. Like Rita said at her rehearsal dinner, "I love you, isn't always said enough." Well girls, I love you both. I am thankful for the both of you and hope that as the years go by we can only grow closer and get to enjoy more time together......just don't be stealing my wind...LOL!
I am also thankful for:
Makenna in underwear for the second day in a row. And, no accidents!! WHOO HOO!
Green Tea since it always makes me feel warm inside and tastes so good.
My mom for all her help at the store and in getting Gavin's birthday things for me.
PartyLite
Makenna for all her hugs and I Love You's
Gavin and how proud I am that he did so well on all of his tests last week.
Melinda for helping me promote my business at her salon.
I have to say, I am so glad that she has a place to go since it must be so hard for her to be planning this wedding without him. It has given me a chance to really get to know her. I have said before that she is one of the most positive people I know even though she has been through a lot. At times I know she is down however she always snaps out of it quickly and manages to see the positive in everything. Because of this she is a big inspiration to me.
My friend Rita is like my little sister. Her and I get to be in Jenny's wedding together. Even though Jenny and Rita are close to the same age, Rita is more like a little sister to me since I have known her since she was 8 years old. She has come such a long way and become such a wonderful person. I look at these two girls and think, "Was I this mature at their age?" I guess I had to be since I was in the same situations as them at the same age. Right now, it just seems so long ago! Rita has a very special relationship with Makenna which means so much to me. I am so happy that Makenna got a chance to be in Rita's wedding.
I am so thankful for all the times I get to spend with the two of them. I love being with them whether it be the three of us or just two of us. I admire both of them for following their dreams because I was so unlike them in the fact that I was too scared to.
Today I am thankful the relationships I have between two very special people in my life. Like Rita said at her rehearsal dinner, "I love you, isn't always said enough." Well girls, I love you both. I am thankful for the both of you and hope that as the years go by we can only grow closer and get to enjoy more time together......just don't be stealing my wind...LOL!
I am also thankful for:
Makenna in underwear for the second day in a row. And, no accidents!! WHOO HOO!
Green Tea since it always makes me feel warm inside and tastes so good.
My mom for all her help at the store and in getting Gavin's birthday things for me.
PartyLite
Makenna for all her hugs and I Love You's
Gavin and how proud I am that he did so well on all of his tests last week.
Melinda for helping me promote my business at her salon.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Mrs. Crabbypants
So, I have been taking myself off of my medicine (Zoloft)...don't worry I am doing it the way the doctor told me to. For right now, call me Mrs. Crabbypants. I feel angry at the world. I am going to try to this herbal medicine called Holy (pronounced Holly) Basil. It is supposed to make you think clearer and help you deal with stress and anxiety. I have yet to purchase the Holy Basil so please do not take my mood personally. My husband has been very supportive as well as my friends. This is something I feel I need to at least try. Thankfully I am smart enough to know when to go to my doctor and say, "I just cannot do it without meds anymore." Hopefully it will never come to that again. If you know anyone who has dealt with Bi-Polar Disorder, than you know how difficult it can be for both you and the other person.
I have been dealing with this since I was 15 years old. However, I was not diagnosed with this until I was 33, two years ago. First the doctors thought it was depression, then they said it was Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was told it was PTSD right after a disastrous relationship in my early twenties. Personally I didn't care what I had, I just wanted to get the right treatment. I went through horrible years in high school, sleeping my way through classes. I went through a spell where I was great until the end of my horrible relationship. Believe me, the end was a very positive thing but still it threw me into yet another bout of depression. One thing I have learned is that no matter if the event is happy or sad, it can still cause a person to go into a depression. Some people would say to me, "How can you be depressed? You just got married, had a wonderful wedding and honeymoon, what is the problem?" Well, someone with chronic depression can still react depressed after something wonderful because their body decides it was too much and shuts down. It was never in my control. When my body said it was done....it was done.
The next bout of depression did not happen until my son was born. I then of course had Post-Partum Stress Disorder. No one was surprised because someone with chronic depression has a much higher chance of having PPSD. However, my depression did not hit me hard until 2 years later. The effects of my grandmothers passing is what started me into the throws of the depression which peaked between one and two years later. Between that time, I had had a baby, started a business, closed a business, got divorced, and had to move back home with my parents. I managed to find myself in a satisfying relationship which certainly was not a healthy one. It was however, nothing like the one in my early twenties. The timing was off, we both had children that were not handling the mixing of the families and so on. During this relationship is when I really hit rock bottom.
I was so depressed that I would go to work, work on a client or two, come home and sleep only to get up and go back into work. When I look back I wonder how I even drove. I was so tired that I could not stay awake no matter how hard I tried. Every time Gavin would nap, I would nap. It was horrible. It was as if I could never get enough sleep. My body was telling me that it had been through enough. When I had to stay awake, I was miserable. Of course this ended my already stressful relationship because the one I was dating did not understand or care to understand what was wrong with me.
My mom has aways been a Dr. Phil fan. At this time he was promoting a book titled Self Matters. Because my mother always had his show on TV I ended up catching this one episode that talked about this book. You must know that besides Nancy Drew books as a kid or Danielle Steel books in my later teenage years, I really didn't take the time to read. Nor, could I ever stay awake if I tried to read before bed. I was determined to turn my life around so I went out and bought the book. I also made an appointment to see my doctor and let him know that I needed help.
In Self Matters, there is a section that is a workbook. Let me tell you, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It makes you remember some of your hardest times in life and actually deal with them. I then realized that because my body shuts down, I really never dealt with anything I had gone through. Section by section doing a time line of my life, I actually recalled the first memory I had that caused me anxiety. Now you must know that depression runs in my family and it can be hereditary.
I will not bore you will the endless details of what seemed to me horrible memories. However, I will fill you in on the very first one. If you have children, you need to realize that the events that take place when they are small can affect the rest of their lives. Like me, it may take them until they are in their twenties to figure that out.
My first memory is now something I can laugh about. But, you have to put yourself in a 5 year old frame of mind. My mom put me on the bus for my first day of kindergarten. I do not recall being nervous at all. Back then they did not have any identification around a child's neck stating where they are supposed to go. The bus stopped at a school, and I got off. When I entered the school I realized that I was the only one who was not wearing what everyone else was wearing. First clue that I was in the wrong place or my mom didn't dress me correctly. Wandering the halls, this really nice girl (I can still picture her face) came up to me and asked me if I was lost. Speechless, she took my hand and led me into a room filled with these horribly scary ladies in black gowns and these strange hats. As my heart raced, because at that time I had never seen a nun, I wanted to run. These two nuns were so nice to me and tried to reassure me that everything was going to be ok. I remember getting into the front seat of this large car and having to sit between these two women. I even remember the driver asking if I would be so kind to hold her wallet for her. The last thing I remember about that morning was walking into a different school and being led by a man in a suit. Of course it was the principle, Mr. Koch....some may know his sons that both teach at Saucon High School.
Imagine not knowing for years why you were so afraid of getting lost and not knowing why. Imagine sitting in school thinking everyone is making fun of you for what you are wearing. I remember the nightmares I would have about getting lost or having to be with a stranger. At 5 years old an event like this is scaring.
If it wasn't for Self Matters, I may still have those nightmares and never know why I have always felt lost, out of place, and so nervous. It is very important to sometimes piece together the events that led us to the person we are today. Because of dealing with this issue, I am over it. It may seem like an easy task but carrying that with me for all of those years made it that much harder to get over.
Please be aware of your children if they seem stressed out. Be there for them and let them deal with it in their own way and help them through it. I highly disagree with telling a child not to cry, suck it up, or stop being a baby. Children are not born with the experience on how to cope with issues that seem small to us but are very big to them. Some of us as adults still do not know how to cope or deal with issues. We have to take one step at a time and surround ourselves with positive people who will hold our hand through our most difficult times. If you look at it that way, you will see that a child only wants the same thing.
What I am thankful for today:
My health.
Makenna wearing underwear all day!!!
My patience with my kids.
My supportive family and friends.
The long road I have traveled and the lessons I have learned.
My cats who CRACK ME UP!
My dog who loves me unconditionally and shows it.
I have been dealing with this since I was 15 years old. However, I was not diagnosed with this until I was 33, two years ago. First the doctors thought it was depression, then they said it was Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was told it was PTSD right after a disastrous relationship in my early twenties. Personally I didn't care what I had, I just wanted to get the right treatment. I went through horrible years in high school, sleeping my way through classes. I went through a spell where I was great until the end of my horrible relationship. Believe me, the end was a very positive thing but still it threw me into yet another bout of depression. One thing I have learned is that no matter if the event is happy or sad, it can still cause a person to go into a depression. Some people would say to me, "How can you be depressed? You just got married, had a wonderful wedding and honeymoon, what is the problem?" Well, someone with chronic depression can still react depressed after something wonderful because their body decides it was too much and shuts down. It was never in my control. When my body said it was done....it was done.
The next bout of depression did not happen until my son was born. I then of course had Post-Partum Stress Disorder. No one was surprised because someone with chronic depression has a much higher chance of having PPSD. However, my depression did not hit me hard until 2 years later. The effects of my grandmothers passing is what started me into the throws of the depression which peaked between one and two years later. Between that time, I had had a baby, started a business, closed a business, got divorced, and had to move back home with my parents. I managed to find myself in a satisfying relationship which certainly was not a healthy one. It was however, nothing like the one in my early twenties. The timing was off, we both had children that were not handling the mixing of the families and so on. During this relationship is when I really hit rock bottom.
I was so depressed that I would go to work, work on a client or two, come home and sleep only to get up and go back into work. When I look back I wonder how I even drove. I was so tired that I could not stay awake no matter how hard I tried. Every time Gavin would nap, I would nap. It was horrible. It was as if I could never get enough sleep. My body was telling me that it had been through enough. When I had to stay awake, I was miserable. Of course this ended my already stressful relationship because the one I was dating did not understand or care to understand what was wrong with me.
My mom has aways been a Dr. Phil fan. At this time he was promoting a book titled Self Matters. Because my mother always had his show on TV I ended up catching this one episode that talked about this book. You must know that besides Nancy Drew books as a kid or Danielle Steel books in my later teenage years, I really didn't take the time to read. Nor, could I ever stay awake if I tried to read before bed. I was determined to turn my life around so I went out and bought the book. I also made an appointment to see my doctor and let him know that I needed help.
In Self Matters, there is a section that is a workbook. Let me tell you, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It makes you remember some of your hardest times in life and actually deal with them. I then realized that because my body shuts down, I really never dealt with anything I had gone through. Section by section doing a time line of my life, I actually recalled the first memory I had that caused me anxiety. Now you must know that depression runs in my family and it can be hereditary.
I will not bore you will the endless details of what seemed to me horrible memories. However, I will fill you in on the very first one. If you have children, you need to realize that the events that take place when they are small can affect the rest of their lives. Like me, it may take them until they are in their twenties to figure that out.
My first memory is now something I can laugh about. But, you have to put yourself in a 5 year old frame of mind. My mom put me on the bus for my first day of kindergarten. I do not recall being nervous at all. Back then they did not have any identification around a child's neck stating where they are supposed to go. The bus stopped at a school, and I got off. When I entered the school I realized that I was the only one who was not wearing what everyone else was wearing. First clue that I was in the wrong place or my mom didn't dress me correctly. Wandering the halls, this really nice girl (I can still picture her face) came up to me and asked me if I was lost. Speechless, she took my hand and led me into a room filled with these horribly scary ladies in black gowns and these strange hats. As my heart raced, because at that time I had never seen a nun, I wanted to run. These two nuns were so nice to me and tried to reassure me that everything was going to be ok. I remember getting into the front seat of this large car and having to sit between these two women. I even remember the driver asking if I would be so kind to hold her wallet for her. The last thing I remember about that morning was walking into a different school and being led by a man in a suit. Of course it was the principle, Mr. Koch....some may know his sons that both teach at Saucon High School.
Imagine not knowing for years why you were so afraid of getting lost and not knowing why. Imagine sitting in school thinking everyone is making fun of you for what you are wearing. I remember the nightmares I would have about getting lost or having to be with a stranger. At 5 years old an event like this is scaring.
If it wasn't for Self Matters, I may still have those nightmares and never know why I have always felt lost, out of place, and so nervous. It is very important to sometimes piece together the events that led us to the person we are today. Because of dealing with this issue, I am over it. It may seem like an easy task but carrying that with me for all of those years made it that much harder to get over.
Please be aware of your children if they seem stressed out. Be there for them and let them deal with it in their own way and help them through it. I highly disagree with telling a child not to cry, suck it up, or stop being a baby. Children are not born with the experience on how to cope with issues that seem small to us but are very big to them. Some of us as adults still do not know how to cope or deal with issues. We have to take one step at a time and surround ourselves with positive people who will hold our hand through our most difficult times. If you look at it that way, you will see that a child only wants the same thing.
What I am thankful for today:
My health.
Makenna wearing underwear all day!!!
My patience with my kids.
My supportive family and friends.
The long road I have traveled and the lessons I have learned.
My cats who CRACK ME UP!
My dog who loves me unconditionally and shows it.
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