Today I got a chance to view a dress similar to the dress that I am wearing in my friend Jenny's wedding. My word for the dress is GORGEOUS! This will be the first time I have ever been in or even attended a themed wedding. Her wedding is totally based on the Renaissance era. Our dresses will be burgundy and gold. Even though the wedding is not until 2010 I am sooo excited! Right now her fiance' Mark is over in Iraq. Jenny spends a lot of time at my store because of him being away. I think I may go through Jenny withdraw once he comes home....LOL!
I have to say, I am so glad that she has a place to go since it must be so hard for her to be planning this wedding without him. It has given me a chance to really get to know her. I have said before that she is one of the most positive people I know even though she has been through a lot. At times I know she is down however she always snaps out of it quickly and manages to see the positive in everything. Because of this she is a big inspiration to me.
My friend Rita is like my little sister. Her and I get to be in Jenny's wedding together. Even though Jenny and Rita are close to the same age, Rita is more like a little sister to me since I have known her since she was 8 years old. She has come such a long way and become such a wonderful person. I look at these two girls and think, "Was I this mature at their age?" I guess I had to be since I was in the same situations as them at the same age. Right now, it just seems so long ago! Rita has a very special relationship with Makenna which means so much to me. I am so happy that Makenna got a chance to be in Rita's wedding.
I am so thankful for all the times I get to spend with the two of them. I love being with them whether it be the three of us or just two of us. I admire both of them for following their dreams because I was so unlike them in the fact that I was too scared to.
Today I am thankful the relationships I have between two very special people in my life. Like Rita said at her rehearsal dinner, "I love you, isn't always said enough." Well girls, I love you both. I am thankful for the both of you and hope that as the years go by we can only grow closer and get to enjoy more time together......just don't be stealing my wind...LOL!
I am also thankful for:
Makenna in underwear for the second day in a row. And, no accidents!! WHOO HOO!
Green Tea since it always makes me feel warm inside and tastes so good.
My mom for all her help at the store and in getting Gavin's birthday things for me.
PartyLite
Makenna for all her hugs and I Love You's
Gavin and how proud I am that he did so well on all of his tests last week.
Melinda for helping me promote my business at her salon.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Mrs. Crabbypants
So, I have been taking myself off of my medicine (Zoloft)...don't worry I am doing it the way the doctor told me to. For right now, call me Mrs. Crabbypants. I feel angry at the world. I am going to try to this herbal medicine called Holy (pronounced Holly) Basil. It is supposed to make you think clearer and help you deal with stress and anxiety. I have yet to purchase the Holy Basil so please do not take my mood personally. My husband has been very supportive as well as my friends. This is something I feel I need to at least try. Thankfully I am smart enough to know when to go to my doctor and say, "I just cannot do it without meds anymore." Hopefully it will never come to that again. If you know anyone who has dealt with Bi-Polar Disorder, than you know how difficult it can be for both you and the other person.
I have been dealing with this since I was 15 years old. However, I was not diagnosed with this until I was 33, two years ago. First the doctors thought it was depression, then they said it was Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was told it was PTSD right after a disastrous relationship in my early twenties. Personally I didn't care what I had, I just wanted to get the right treatment. I went through horrible years in high school, sleeping my way through classes. I went through a spell where I was great until the end of my horrible relationship. Believe me, the end was a very positive thing but still it threw me into yet another bout of depression. One thing I have learned is that no matter if the event is happy or sad, it can still cause a person to go into a depression. Some people would say to me, "How can you be depressed? You just got married, had a wonderful wedding and honeymoon, what is the problem?" Well, someone with chronic depression can still react depressed after something wonderful because their body decides it was too much and shuts down. It was never in my control. When my body said it was done....it was done.
The next bout of depression did not happen until my son was born. I then of course had Post-Partum Stress Disorder. No one was surprised because someone with chronic depression has a much higher chance of having PPSD. However, my depression did not hit me hard until 2 years later. The effects of my grandmothers passing is what started me into the throws of the depression which peaked between one and two years later. Between that time, I had had a baby, started a business, closed a business, got divorced, and had to move back home with my parents. I managed to find myself in a satisfying relationship which certainly was not a healthy one. It was however, nothing like the one in my early twenties. The timing was off, we both had children that were not handling the mixing of the families and so on. During this relationship is when I really hit rock bottom.
I was so depressed that I would go to work, work on a client or two, come home and sleep only to get up and go back into work. When I look back I wonder how I even drove. I was so tired that I could not stay awake no matter how hard I tried. Every time Gavin would nap, I would nap. It was horrible. It was as if I could never get enough sleep. My body was telling me that it had been through enough. When I had to stay awake, I was miserable. Of course this ended my already stressful relationship because the one I was dating did not understand or care to understand what was wrong with me.
My mom has aways been a Dr. Phil fan. At this time he was promoting a book titled Self Matters. Because my mother always had his show on TV I ended up catching this one episode that talked about this book. You must know that besides Nancy Drew books as a kid or Danielle Steel books in my later teenage years, I really didn't take the time to read. Nor, could I ever stay awake if I tried to read before bed. I was determined to turn my life around so I went out and bought the book. I also made an appointment to see my doctor and let him know that I needed help.
In Self Matters, there is a section that is a workbook. Let me tell you, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It makes you remember some of your hardest times in life and actually deal with them. I then realized that because my body shuts down, I really never dealt with anything I had gone through. Section by section doing a time line of my life, I actually recalled the first memory I had that caused me anxiety. Now you must know that depression runs in my family and it can be hereditary.
I will not bore you will the endless details of what seemed to me horrible memories. However, I will fill you in on the very first one. If you have children, you need to realize that the events that take place when they are small can affect the rest of their lives. Like me, it may take them until they are in their twenties to figure that out.
My first memory is now something I can laugh about. But, you have to put yourself in a 5 year old frame of mind. My mom put me on the bus for my first day of kindergarten. I do not recall being nervous at all. Back then they did not have any identification around a child's neck stating where they are supposed to go. The bus stopped at a school, and I got off. When I entered the school I realized that I was the only one who was not wearing what everyone else was wearing. First clue that I was in the wrong place or my mom didn't dress me correctly. Wandering the halls, this really nice girl (I can still picture her face) came up to me and asked me if I was lost. Speechless, she took my hand and led me into a room filled with these horribly scary ladies in black gowns and these strange hats. As my heart raced, because at that time I had never seen a nun, I wanted to run. These two nuns were so nice to me and tried to reassure me that everything was going to be ok. I remember getting into the front seat of this large car and having to sit between these two women. I even remember the driver asking if I would be so kind to hold her wallet for her. The last thing I remember about that morning was walking into a different school and being led by a man in a suit. Of course it was the principle, Mr. Koch....some may know his sons that both teach at Saucon High School.
Imagine not knowing for years why you were so afraid of getting lost and not knowing why. Imagine sitting in school thinking everyone is making fun of you for what you are wearing. I remember the nightmares I would have about getting lost or having to be with a stranger. At 5 years old an event like this is scaring.
If it wasn't for Self Matters, I may still have those nightmares and never know why I have always felt lost, out of place, and so nervous. It is very important to sometimes piece together the events that led us to the person we are today. Because of dealing with this issue, I am over it. It may seem like an easy task but carrying that with me for all of those years made it that much harder to get over.
Please be aware of your children if they seem stressed out. Be there for them and let them deal with it in their own way and help them through it. I highly disagree with telling a child not to cry, suck it up, or stop being a baby. Children are not born with the experience on how to cope with issues that seem small to us but are very big to them. Some of us as adults still do not know how to cope or deal with issues. We have to take one step at a time and surround ourselves with positive people who will hold our hand through our most difficult times. If you look at it that way, you will see that a child only wants the same thing.
What I am thankful for today:
My health.
Makenna wearing underwear all day!!!
My patience with my kids.
My supportive family and friends.
The long road I have traveled and the lessons I have learned.
My cats who CRACK ME UP!
My dog who loves me unconditionally and shows it.
I have been dealing with this since I was 15 years old. However, I was not diagnosed with this until I was 33, two years ago. First the doctors thought it was depression, then they said it was Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was told it was PTSD right after a disastrous relationship in my early twenties. Personally I didn't care what I had, I just wanted to get the right treatment. I went through horrible years in high school, sleeping my way through classes. I went through a spell where I was great until the end of my horrible relationship. Believe me, the end was a very positive thing but still it threw me into yet another bout of depression. One thing I have learned is that no matter if the event is happy or sad, it can still cause a person to go into a depression. Some people would say to me, "How can you be depressed? You just got married, had a wonderful wedding and honeymoon, what is the problem?" Well, someone with chronic depression can still react depressed after something wonderful because their body decides it was too much and shuts down. It was never in my control. When my body said it was done....it was done.
The next bout of depression did not happen until my son was born. I then of course had Post-Partum Stress Disorder. No one was surprised because someone with chronic depression has a much higher chance of having PPSD. However, my depression did not hit me hard until 2 years later. The effects of my grandmothers passing is what started me into the throws of the depression which peaked between one and two years later. Between that time, I had had a baby, started a business, closed a business, got divorced, and had to move back home with my parents. I managed to find myself in a satisfying relationship which certainly was not a healthy one. It was however, nothing like the one in my early twenties. The timing was off, we both had children that were not handling the mixing of the families and so on. During this relationship is when I really hit rock bottom.
I was so depressed that I would go to work, work on a client or two, come home and sleep only to get up and go back into work. When I look back I wonder how I even drove. I was so tired that I could not stay awake no matter how hard I tried. Every time Gavin would nap, I would nap. It was horrible. It was as if I could never get enough sleep. My body was telling me that it had been through enough. When I had to stay awake, I was miserable. Of course this ended my already stressful relationship because the one I was dating did not understand or care to understand what was wrong with me.
My mom has aways been a Dr. Phil fan. At this time he was promoting a book titled Self Matters. Because my mother always had his show on TV I ended up catching this one episode that talked about this book. You must know that besides Nancy Drew books as a kid or Danielle Steel books in my later teenage years, I really didn't take the time to read. Nor, could I ever stay awake if I tried to read before bed. I was determined to turn my life around so I went out and bought the book. I also made an appointment to see my doctor and let him know that I needed help.
In Self Matters, there is a section that is a workbook. Let me tell you, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It makes you remember some of your hardest times in life and actually deal with them. I then realized that because my body shuts down, I really never dealt with anything I had gone through. Section by section doing a time line of my life, I actually recalled the first memory I had that caused me anxiety. Now you must know that depression runs in my family and it can be hereditary.
I will not bore you will the endless details of what seemed to me horrible memories. However, I will fill you in on the very first one. If you have children, you need to realize that the events that take place when they are small can affect the rest of their lives. Like me, it may take them until they are in their twenties to figure that out.
My first memory is now something I can laugh about. But, you have to put yourself in a 5 year old frame of mind. My mom put me on the bus for my first day of kindergarten. I do not recall being nervous at all. Back then they did not have any identification around a child's neck stating where they are supposed to go. The bus stopped at a school, and I got off. When I entered the school I realized that I was the only one who was not wearing what everyone else was wearing. First clue that I was in the wrong place or my mom didn't dress me correctly. Wandering the halls, this really nice girl (I can still picture her face) came up to me and asked me if I was lost. Speechless, she took my hand and led me into a room filled with these horribly scary ladies in black gowns and these strange hats. As my heart raced, because at that time I had never seen a nun, I wanted to run. These two nuns were so nice to me and tried to reassure me that everything was going to be ok. I remember getting into the front seat of this large car and having to sit between these two women. I even remember the driver asking if I would be so kind to hold her wallet for her. The last thing I remember about that morning was walking into a different school and being led by a man in a suit. Of course it was the principle, Mr. Koch....some may know his sons that both teach at Saucon High School.
Imagine not knowing for years why you were so afraid of getting lost and not knowing why. Imagine sitting in school thinking everyone is making fun of you for what you are wearing. I remember the nightmares I would have about getting lost or having to be with a stranger. At 5 years old an event like this is scaring.
If it wasn't for Self Matters, I may still have those nightmares and never know why I have always felt lost, out of place, and so nervous. It is very important to sometimes piece together the events that led us to the person we are today. Because of dealing with this issue, I am over it. It may seem like an easy task but carrying that with me for all of those years made it that much harder to get over.
Please be aware of your children if they seem stressed out. Be there for them and let them deal with it in their own way and help them through it. I highly disagree with telling a child not to cry, suck it up, or stop being a baby. Children are not born with the experience on how to cope with issues that seem small to us but are very big to them. Some of us as adults still do not know how to cope or deal with issues. We have to take one step at a time and surround ourselves with positive people who will hold our hand through our most difficult times. If you look at it that way, you will see that a child only wants the same thing.
What I am thankful for today:
My health.
Makenna wearing underwear all day!!!
My patience with my kids.
My supportive family and friends.
The long road I have traveled and the lessons I have learned.
My cats who CRACK ME UP!
My dog who loves me unconditionally and shows it.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Withdraw
Have you ever felt like your insides were going to explode? If so, than you know how I am feeling right now. Because I have been extremely busy with tons of things going on in my life, I tend to forget to take care of myself.
Since my miscarriage in 2005, my doctors have kept me on Zoloft. For years it worked the best out of anything I was ever on. Lately it hasn't seemed to be working. The doctors had me try increasing the dosage and I only felt worse. So, I am not sure what to do from here. I would love to try something herbal and get myself off of this medication for good.
The reason I am going through withdraw is because I have not had my medicine since Friday and it is now Monday night. Yes, there is a reason why doctors tell you to talk to them before taking yourself off of your medication. It is amazing the feelings you can have when you are experiencing withdraw. Don't worry, I will have my medication tomorrow. I can actually say that I am mean, nasty, and very very antsy. So not me.
Just please take my advice and do not take yourself off of any medication without speaking to your doctor. I feel horrible that my husband and my children are the ones taking the brunt of this. Thankfully it will not be for long.
Tonight I am thankful for a patient husband and understanding children. I am thankful that I can understand why I am like this and try to deal with it the best that I can. I appreciate my life and all of the lessons I have learned, even the hard ones. Losing a child, even in utero is one of the hardest things in the world to get over. Even though I never held that baby in my arms, I will always hold it dear to my heart.
Since my miscarriage in 2005, my doctors have kept me on Zoloft. For years it worked the best out of anything I was ever on. Lately it hasn't seemed to be working. The doctors had me try increasing the dosage and I only felt worse. So, I am not sure what to do from here. I would love to try something herbal and get myself off of this medication for good.
The reason I am going through withdraw is because I have not had my medicine since Friday and it is now Monday night. Yes, there is a reason why doctors tell you to talk to them before taking yourself off of your medication. It is amazing the feelings you can have when you are experiencing withdraw. Don't worry, I will have my medication tomorrow. I can actually say that I am mean, nasty, and very very antsy. So not me.
Just please take my advice and do not take yourself off of any medication without speaking to your doctor. I feel horrible that my husband and my children are the ones taking the brunt of this. Thankfully it will not be for long.
Tonight I am thankful for a patient husband and understanding children. I am thankful that I can understand why I am like this and try to deal with it the best that I can. I appreciate my life and all of the lessons I have learned, even the hard ones. Losing a child, even in utero is one of the hardest things in the world to get over. Even though I never held that baby in my arms, I will always hold it dear to my heart.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
It was our first pajama day at Scrapbooking's Inn. Everyone was in their pajamas, slippers, and enjoying free coffee and snacks. It was a very enjoyable day. Our massage therapist was there, and man....he is GOOD! I love the fact that you do not have to be there to scrapbook to get a massage. He will massage anyone who comes in. I highly recommend Tom. He charges $1.00 per minute and I found that 20 minutes was a good enough time to make me feel better. My neighbor Rudy also catered the event with coffee cakes and raspberry bars....YUMMY! A lot of women were taking them home to their hubbies as well as treating themselves.
I am totally enjoying my job. In fact, I do not feel that it is a job. Jobs have always been hard, stressful, and for the most part, physically and mentally exhausting. Doing nails was not a stressful job however it was rough on the body. My back and my wrist would kill me. Since I have stopped doing nails, my back as improved and the cyst in my wrist is almost completely gone. I now understand the horrible effects of repetitive motion. Working in retail was very hard. Not only were you on your feet for sometimes 12 hours a day but you had to deal with managers or owners (sometimes both) who seemed as though they were from another planet. Plus, for all of the work you do, you never got paid enough. I will never forget the 5am inventories, working when I was too sick to stand but I could not find someone to cover for me, customers screaming at me because they didn't agree with our policies....and so on and so on. When the last store I worked in closed it's doors, it was actually a huge relief. I knew I would be find since I was already in school getting my nail license and already had a new job in the field lined up. I guess sometimes it takes having lots of crappy jobs to actually push yourself to start a new career.
After being a stay-at-home mom for well over 2 years, doing Avon, PartyLite, and nails on the side, little did I know that my scrapbooking would be my next career. Did I ever think that doing the one thing I thoroughly enjoyed as a hobby would become a dream job for me? No. All it took was a talk with my friend Rita, lots of notes and excitement and I was on my way. How I achieved it in 4 months was totally the work of The Secret.
Here are just a few ways The Secret has worked for me in the last few months:
I am totally enjoying my job. In fact, I do not feel that it is a job. Jobs have always been hard, stressful, and for the most part, physically and mentally exhausting. Doing nails was not a stressful job however it was rough on the body. My back and my wrist would kill me. Since I have stopped doing nails, my back as improved and the cyst in my wrist is almost completely gone. I now understand the horrible effects of repetitive motion. Working in retail was very hard. Not only were you on your feet for sometimes 12 hours a day but you had to deal with managers or owners (sometimes both) who seemed as though they were from another planet. Plus, for all of the work you do, you never got paid enough. I will never forget the 5am inventories, working when I was too sick to stand but I could not find someone to cover for me, customers screaming at me because they didn't agree with our policies....and so on and so on. When the last store I worked in closed it's doors, it was actually a huge relief. I knew I would be find since I was already in school getting my nail license and already had a new job in the field lined up. I guess sometimes it takes having lots of crappy jobs to actually push yourself to start a new career.
After being a stay-at-home mom for well over 2 years, doing Avon, PartyLite, and nails on the side, little did I know that my scrapbooking would be my next career. Did I ever think that doing the one thing I thoroughly enjoyed as a hobby would become a dream job for me? No. All it took was a talk with my friend Rita, lots of notes and excitement and I was on my way. How I achieved it in 4 months was totally the work of The Secret.
Here are just a few ways The Secret has worked for me in the last few months:
- I had two cancellations for my class this past Tuesday night. I went to work saying to myself, I am getting those two seats filled. I didn't care how it was going to happen, but it was. In the afternoon I had received a phone call from someone who was already signed up for the class. She had asked if her daughter could come and take the class with her. There was #1. Now, the class was to start at 6:30pm and it was now about 5:30pm. Still I was not giving up on that second person filling that seat. My phone rang again and it was my friend Heather. Guess what? She wanted to know if I had any seats left for the class. There was #2.
- I needed gas money the other day and new I had no cash. So, I asked to find money to fill my tank. I was catching up with laundry that day. By the time my third load of laundry was done I had found $30. There was my gas money.
- Before I knew about The Secret......... A long time ago I was estranged from my friend Heather. I wanted so badly for us to be friends again. I would pray, and picture us being friends like no time had passed. I never gave up thinking that it would happen some day. Over ten years went by before it happened but once again we are friends. Not only friends, but best friends. The best part was that when we did finally re-connect, it was as if no time had past.
- Same thing happened with my friend Jamie. We were only apart for a short time. I did the same as I did with my feelings about Heather and my relationship. Jamie and I re-connected as if no time has past. The best thing about these two friends is that I know nothing will ever tear us apart again.
- I had a PartyLite show last week. The hostess was bummed because she did not get her show up to the qualifying amount of $250. On the phone, I had told her not to worry since it would happen by the end of the night. We had to close her show by midnight. By 10:00pm I had her show up to $275. Here she was thinking she was only going to get $33 to spend on gifts for herself. When the show was said and done, she was able to spend $194.
- I had another PartyLite show last night. It took me 55 minutes to get there. The entire drive I told myself that Amy was going to have an AWESOME show. I could feel it. The hostess credit is double this month and I wanted her to be able to get a majority of the things she had on her wish list. I left her house and her show was at $560. After today, her show is up to $640. I know it is only going to go up. As of right now Amy gets to spend $385 on anything PartyLite that she wants! PartyLite ROCKS! Did I mention that I will get a nice paycheck and I also got a PartyLite sponsor!! YEAH ME!
- There are many other things that The Secret has helped me achieve like my store, my teachers, my customers, etc. The main thing it has helped me with is staying healthy. I asked to be healthy and that is how I am going to stay. I have not been sick since September, but I have been around sooooo many people who were.
What it comes down to is that you need to REALLY want what you are asking for. I am not asking for a million dollar house or a fancy car. All I want is to be healthy, have fun, have strong relationships with everyone in my life, and help others achieve the dreams they have for themselves. This is why my New Year's resolution was to pass The Secret to 10 people so that it would change their lives. So far, 3 people have borrowed the book, two people have bought it, one actually already had it in her house and is now reading it and others are in line to borrow it next. Everyone who has read it has seen a drastic change in their lives already. If you put The Secret into effect, your lives will blossom. It is not a self help book, it is not a religious book, it is the book that contains the secret to life.
For more information on The Secret go to: http://thesecret.tv/
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