An Awesome Therapy Session

Yesterday I had therapy. It was a very good session for one very good reason.... my therapist is very happy with my progress. Every time I see her she says she sees more positive changes. Yesterday I made sure to tell her about my self healing. I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. In the last few weeks I have been taking the time to go over my past, my choices, my patterns, etc. Once again I will say that I feel that there are no mistakes and I have no regrets about the choices I have made. I would not be where I am today if I didn't choose the paths I had.

I now truly believe that we are able to heal ourselves; spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally. I have always looked for someone to fix me. Whether it be a doctor, a therapist, a friend, a lover. I never knew that we could heal on our own. No pill or relationship will fix me. All it does is mask the issues. Now I am willing to do what it takes to heal on my own. In the last few months I have come a very long way. Where once I would run from confrontation, I now face it. I have completely changed the way I communicate. This is a big step for me. I also have stopped allowing people's words to scare and/or hurt me. I keep telling myself that there are always going to be things I do not want to hear. But it is just words and I keep telling myself that. When people are voicing their opinions, I do not have to allow it to stress me out. Just because they have different views on things doesn't mean I have to agree with them or take it personally. This has made me so much stronger. Where once there was panic attacks, is now a peacefulness. Little did I know that anxiety is instilled in us as we are growing up. Whether it be a parent or another mentor, the way they handle stress is the way we think we should as adults. I want my children to be more laid back, less stressed about the little things, and not worry like I always did.

My therapist is the most un-opinionated therapist that I was ever to. I love that she listens, points things out, and understands. I feel a great connection with her because she is allowing me to find out who I am without making me feel I should be a certain way. I love that she wants me to continue to be ME. She is always addressing the positivity in my life, how far I have come, and how I continue to heal myself every day. She is not there to tell me if I am wrong or right. She agrees that we all make the right decision for ourselves and we should not allow outside influences to alter our choices.

I left feeling even more peaceful and more confident. I love who I am, whether or not everyone else does....I really do not care. This Amy Grant song sums it up for me:

All I Ever Have To Be
When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head,
And the thoughtful words of health and hope
Have all been nicely said.

But I'm still hurting,
Wondering if Ill ever be
The one I think I am.

I think I am.

Then you gently re-remind me
That you've made me from the first,
And the more I try to be the best
The more I get the worst.

And I realize the good in me,
Is only there because of who you are.

Who you are...

And all I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.
Any more or less would be a step
Out of your plan.

As you daily recreate me,
Help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do
What I can find.

And all I ever have to be
All I have to be
All I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.

What I am thankful for today:
therapy
Amy Grant
my children
jumping on the trampoline last night with the kids
the power heal ourselves
the power to believe
faith
courage
Melinda
sleeping until 9am this morning with Makenna
people who are so willing to help others without expecting anything in return
a wonderful night's sleep last night
being down 17 lbs!!
garlic bread
a beautiful day today
laughter
smiles

Live and Learn

This is the quote I received today from Belief.net:

Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.

- Mahatma Gandhi


Every day, I try to learn... whether it be from my children, my friends, things I read and so on. The knowledge we can learn is unlimited. This is why I try to keep an open mind. There are so many out there who are close minded and do not allow room for new information and new possibilities. The possibilities for us are endless. I feel that I now live my life using all the past experiences I have learned. However, I do not allow my past experiences to control how I live. Does that make sense? You live by experience but you also learn by experience. I have no regrets from my past decisions and feel that I have learned a lot from them. A very wise person recently said to me, "You must stand up for what you believe in, no matter what anyone else thinks." I have noticed in the past that I have allowed outsiders interfere with my decisions in life. I cared way too much what others would think or say. Now I finally feel strong enough to not allow outsiders affect my decisions. Maybe this is because I am a stronger person, and I have been trying to live as if each day was my last. Life is seriously too short to worry about what others think. When I feel the brunt of someones criticism, I just tell myself that they will get over it and this is my life. If I feel that I am making the right decisions, who has the right to tell me otherwise? They are not able to get inside of me to see and feel what makes me happy. I am just going to live every day as if it was my last. If I am happy then those around me will be happy. And, hopefully those who do not understand my decisions will eventually be able to embrace my happiness as well.

What I am thankful for today:
support from those who care about me
the ability to not allow others opinions to control my decisions
my awesome kids
spending time with Jamie on Saturday night
seeing Annie on Monday
Makenna doing the 'newest' Electric Slide yesterday...LOL!
my new dress for Tanya's wedding (thank you Diane and Jenny for the Kohl's gift card!)
the entire day with my kids today
therapy tomorrow
my overabundance of time and energy
visits from Mimi and Pop-Pop (who I know are helping to guide me throughout my life)
my new Premier earrings from Beth's show!!
Gavin and Makenna's silly faces
each and every new day

Believe

Today's Daily Teaching:

There are two kinds of people:
Those who say, "I will believe it when I see it."
And those who say, "To see it, I know I must believe it."

I can be honest in saying that I totally used to be the first of the two. And, I hear people say this all the time. Living The Secret, I know we must believe in order to see.

Being that my life is crazy right now and I have to feel the brunt of judgement from others, I was stuck not seeing a way out of this. Why is it that people think they know how we should live our lives? Why do they have to even judge at all? No, not everyone needs to agree with how others live. However, we all need to keep that to ourselves and let them go about their business. Enough venting. Every night when I write in my Gratitude Book I write something to the affect that I am thankful for seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I am thankful for people allowing me to live my life without placing judgement on me. I am thankful that I do not allow other people's opinions affect my decisions. I am thankful for my peaceful mind, body, and spirit. I am thankful that people's judgement will not bother me.

Although I may not completely feel these things now, I believe they will come. I believe that we create our lives with what we believe in. Faith comes into play here too and this is why I pray for faith to pursue what I believe in every night. I pray that God leads me in the direction I need to go. So far he has not steered me wrong. I love the person I am now and I could never say that before. If others do not like me for who I am, it is there problem and it will not affect me.

In therapy it was brought to my attention that I am at a place in my life where I actually know what I want and will go after it. I am healing every day from the turmoil of my past experiences which at one time I kept buried deep within. Yes it is hard to resurface issues and open old wounds. I firmly believe to heal we need to do this. With the support of my friends who have proven to me that no matter what, they are by my side...not placing judgement, not criticizing.....I will get through everything that is ahead of me. I will get through what I need to and live my life to the fullest. This I truly believe.

What I am thankful for today:
The following friends for loving me enough to let me live my life the best I know how and still supporting me in every way. I love you guys!
Jamie
Diane
Jenny
Rachel
Heather
Jen
Buffy
Melinda
Sally
Tricia
Shawn
Todd
Rudy
Bob
Brian
Mike
Missy
Kirsten
Rita
Annie
Kathy
Denise
Judy
Kate
Cheryl

I am also thankful for:
Amy Grant's Time Again Concert DVD which I have been watching all day as an inspiration.
Her book which let me know that her life was not too far off mine.
The Daily Teachings
August Classes
my new side-walk sign for the store!! Thank you HEATHER!
Playing Wii with Makenna, Gavin and Jenny last night.
the sunshine today
getting things done
Makenna climbing in bed with me every night and wrapping her arms around my neck.
Gavin and Makenna singing (loudly) the Daughtry CD in my car last night.
getting into a size Medium!!!!
the piece of jewelry Shawn made me for my birthday.
Knowing that I can 'lay down my burden and God will carry me' ~Amy Grant
The Healing Place
my life

Free Therapy.....The Best Kind

Last night I was lucky enough to get a free therapy session from my neighbor Rudy. I have a few in my life who have experienced lots of life lessons and he is one of them. I value his philosophy on life and I enjoy hearing it, especially while eating chocolate pudding pie.....LOL! Thank you for the pie Diane! Rudy has been married 4 times. I guess it just takes some of us longer than others to get to the right person. He feels like I do, you have to go through these experiences to get to where you want to be. Do I look down on him or being married 4 times, absolutely not. Who am I to judge the decisions he has made. All I know is that he is now completely happy in his life and that is all that matters. As we all know that when one is happy, they make everyone around them happy as well.

What I learned from his talk last night was that I need to stand up for myself. I also need to stand up for what I believe in. I believe in happiness and I believe that we all need to fill ourselves up in order to spread our happiness to others. I was under the assumption that filling ourselves up was selfish. This is why I spent my entire life so far trying to make others happy while feeling very empty inside. I gave all I had until I ended up with nothing and in a depression. Then of course almost everyone left my side because I had nothing left to give..... except for my true friends.

Right now, I am going to concentrate on myself. With no commitments, no obligations, no promises to anyone but myself. This is the first time I am able to say that I am completely fine with being alone. It is the first time that I am free of fear, free of insecurity and can feel complete by myself. I will be so much more ready to face any relationship that comes my way. And I know that I have a wonderful life in store for me. And, whoever ends up by my side through life will feel that happiness and positivity that I now feel. Nothing is more wonderful than being able to spread your joy. However, we HAVE to feel it inside ourselves.....first.

What I am thankful for today:
Rudy
Diane
my free therapy session last night
Crop for a Cure today!!
chocolate pudding pie
Redi-Whip
long talks
my health
my happiness
the happiness of my family & friends
music
creative people
intelligent people
open mindedness
freedom
my courage
my faith