I have lots going through my head today! Now, where to start. Have you ever woken up from your sleep as if a huge bright lightbulb had gone off in your head? It happened to me on Sunday morning. It was quiet in my house for a change and I actually had all these thoughts running through my head that I could concentrate on. Ya know, without hearing.."Mom, Mommy...or MEOW!!!!" LOL!
Was it God talking to me? Was it my angels? I really cannot be sure. In this process of transforming my life and learning who I really am, this is the first time that I put it all together. What is awesome is that I have learned who I am....on my own. Shutting out outside influences, other than God, I know who I am and I am not caring as much about what others think of who I am. Here is some of what I came up with:
I care...sometimes way too much since it makes me sensitive to all emotions, even those emotions that are brought on by others hurtful words or actions. If only I could not care as much as I do.
I am a caretaker.....I love taking care of others, including my pets.
I fall in love easily. I love people. I love learning about their lives and hearing their experiences. I love the things I can learn from each person I meet.
I can be stubborn when I believe in something to the fullest. But I try to keep an open mind and I do not push my beliefs and opinions on others.
Communication is something I am still learning and realize that I need to speak through God not through anger and frustration.
Little things make me happy. Simple things are all I need.
I can now appreciate and find the good in almost every situation. Even the situations in my own life that seemed horrible, I am able to see the lesson I was supposed to learn.
Although we may make choices that we look back on and think, "what was I thinking?" There is a reason for the choice we made. It may have hurt someone, it may have put us in a worse situation, it may have altered our lives in a bad way. Good thing is that it doesn't keep us in a bad situation forever. And, something good does come out of it. Can we explain why God wants us to learn certain lessons? Maybe not right away. Is it our intention to hurt people? Not for most of us. Some people are out to hurt us though. But, forgiveness is key. If we choose to hold on to anger, it becomes bitterness. If you chose to not forgive, stay untrusting, and place blame, the only person we are hurting is ourselves.
At times in the past I felt very alone. I was always searching for someone or something to fill me up. Like a drug addict looking for drugs or an alcoholic drinking their lives away, I became an addict for someone to love me. I could have over eaten and turned to food or become a compulsive buyer but I didn't. Obviously no addiction is a healthy one. Well, except being addicted to scrapbooking..LOL! Once I came to this revolation of myself, I was able to look back at my life and figure out all the reasons I chose what I did in my past. Do I look at them as mistakes....no. They are lessons. And, I know that all these lessons have brought me back to God.
Yvonne and I had a nice long conversation on the phone this morning while Makenna was at pre-school. She let me know that in the last few years of her knowing me, I have made a huge change in my life. She said she knew that I was getting ready to allow God back into my life. Would I have been ready to do this if I would not have learned from my lessons? Most likely no. Yvonne also told me of a quote she once heard....'When your face has hit the floor, the only way to look is up.' Sometimes it takes us to land on our face before we realize that God is there to help us and take care of things for us if we allow him to. Although people may judge and critize our decisions, we need to make them to learn the lessons that God wants us to learn. In heaven we will learn the truth to everything in life.
What I am thankful for today:
being able to let go of anger and frustration
Linda for making cookies with Makenna and I on Friday and for taking Makenna for the weekend. Also, I am thankful that she and the rest of her family still treats me like family.
Linda and Bob eating dinner with us last night
my new customers
the simple things in life
a great night's sleep last night
Yvonne and her inspiring words, her kindness, and her friendship.
Time with Missy on Friday night and her friendship.
my customer Debbie and our awesome conversation on Sunday.
the health of my loved ones and myself
the ability change my life