Today I am writing about forgiveness. Why? Because I think I finally figured out how and why this is so important. Life throws us curve balls, and some are so hard to bounce back from. The good news is that we will. Getting there is what we are all concerned about. How long will it take? What will I have to go through to get to where I want to be? I have asked myself these questions continuously. I've prayed numerous times for God to take the weight off my shoulders and surround me with His presence. Sometimes it just doesn't feel like it is enough. What I have come to understand is the weight was something I had to let go of. And, I do realize why I wasn't letting go.
When we are hurt, it takes a lot to get over the anger, frustration, and pain. It takes time to heal. We will not heal if we do not forgive. Holding on to anger and frustration doesn't hurt anyone but ourselves. The people involved in the situations that hurt us are still living their lives not affected by our feelings at all. Yet, we do not want to forgive. For me, forgiving someone who hurt me felt like giving them permission to hurt me again. Or like saying, "what you did was ok." However that is not how it is. Forgiving someone is letting go of the pain. Do I have to keep that person close to me? No.
God wants us to forgive and let go. He will help us if we ask. If we want to move on to a better life, we have to close the doors from the past in the right way. God has taken the people who hurt me out of my life without me having to have confrontation with them. They were put in my life for a reason though. There was a lesson to be learned. And more than ever, I am actually thankful for those people who hurt me. If it wasn't for them or the situation, I would not be the person I am now. I also know that if I would have not forgiven them, I would not have become who I want to be.
The weight has been lifted because I chose to let go. Again, we are only hurting ourselves by not forgiving. I feel free, finally.
If you feel stuck, maybe there is a person or situation you have not forgiven. Remember Jesus forgave Judas for betraying him even though it lead to Jesus being crucified. Although Jesus knew that this was his destiny, could any of you have forgiven Judas? We may not know our future, but everything happens for a reason. Forgiveness is the key to living with a free spirit. If God can forgive us from our sins, we can surely forgive those who sin against us.
"Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." James 1:2-3
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9
What I am thankful for today:
A snow day with my children
Love
forgiveness and knowing the changes it can bring into our lives
The Center
furbabies, God creations to show us unconditional love
Hope
my friends
my store
my family
laughter
Shawn
the power of prayer
the sunshine
rainbows
signs from my loved ones
coffee
PartyLite
chocolate
my customers
my teachers
God
life
Friday, January 21, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
A new door
In the process of moving my store, I had the guilt of leaving my landlord, a family friend with an empty run down building and no income coming in on the property. Funny how when we close a door, we still feel that hesitation to proceed to open a new one. Obviously I was making this much harder on myself than I needed to. Looking for a definite sign that I needed to move on that never seemed to hit me...at least hard enough. Apparently the lack of parking, steps, condition of my current building and immense electric bills were not a big enough sign. LOL! Though there were a lot of issues in the building I started in, I found so much appreciation to use it in order to get started. And, once I focused on the things I was appreciative about, my signs to move on started coming.
So, I opened a new door. The new door to my store opened for the first time to customers on Jan. 8th. Little did I know that so many people knew who I was and wanted to come into my store but would not enter the other building because of it's condition. Although no one seemed to complain, which I am glad they didn't, I feel badly that it took this long for them to actually come in and experience my happy place with me.
Time is what it is though. We all want to open new doors but it has to be the right time. We may never know when that is. Keeping the faith, the patience, the appreciation for what I had and a lot of prayers are what helped me get to where I am. Never did I give up. Came close once.....but thanks to friends bringing me back to reality, I know where I want to be and realize that the frustration of getting here was just weighing me down. I took a little over a year to take a good hard look of who I was, who I became, what I wanted and who I wanted in my life. I am exactly where I want to be. I live for me, which makes me a better mom, friend, daughter, girlfriend, and person all around. Things fall into place when they are meant to...when you are in the right frame of mind and being eternally grateful.
Do you know where you want to be? Do you know who you want to be? Once you know, you at least have an idea of where to start and what to start praying for. God brought Erika into my life at a moment of not knowing how I was going to achieve the next step to my dreams. God brought Shelley into my life so that Erika and I could take the steps together, when we were ready. God surrounds me with positive people, people I need right now to help me grow; in business, in love, in appreciation, in life. I did feel stuck for a long time but I never gave up hope. If you have a good network of friends, true honest friends, they will never let you fall.....at least far. We all have to fall sometimes, it is getting back up that matters.
What I am thankful for today:
my friends who I cannot thank enough for helping me become who I am
my family
my children who I hope I can be a good example for
Faith, because without it there is no hope
God who knows what is best for us and will answer prayers if they are in our best interest
my new store and customers
my new landlords who are amazing
my creative spark coming back
heat being off in my store and it is still nice and toasty
my pets who comfort me
The Center, my other Happy Place
the ability to stand up in front of everyone at church on Sunday to perform the service without puking or fainting.
time
being in control of my life and what I want to do
music
Shawn who supports me no matter what and lets me be me
laughter, we laughed so hard this weekend
love
the gym
the new adventure with my store
being 100% completely happy and content
knowing that we can achieve anything that we put our mind too
my life
So, I opened a new door. The new door to my store opened for the first time to customers on Jan. 8th. Little did I know that so many people knew who I was and wanted to come into my store but would not enter the other building because of it's condition. Although no one seemed to complain, which I am glad they didn't, I feel badly that it took this long for them to actually come in and experience my happy place with me.
Time is what it is though. We all want to open new doors but it has to be the right time. We may never know when that is. Keeping the faith, the patience, the appreciation for what I had and a lot of prayers are what helped me get to where I am. Never did I give up. Came close once.....but thanks to friends bringing me back to reality, I know where I want to be and realize that the frustration of getting here was just weighing me down. I took a little over a year to take a good hard look of who I was, who I became, what I wanted and who I wanted in my life. I am exactly where I want to be. I live for me, which makes me a better mom, friend, daughter, girlfriend, and person all around. Things fall into place when they are meant to...when you are in the right frame of mind and being eternally grateful.
Do you know where you want to be? Do you know who you want to be? Once you know, you at least have an idea of where to start and what to start praying for. God brought Erika into my life at a moment of not knowing how I was going to achieve the next step to my dreams. God brought Shelley into my life so that Erika and I could take the steps together, when we were ready. God surrounds me with positive people, people I need right now to help me grow; in business, in love, in appreciation, in life. I did feel stuck for a long time but I never gave up hope. If you have a good network of friends, true honest friends, they will never let you fall.....at least far. We all have to fall sometimes, it is getting back up that matters.
What I am thankful for today:
my friends who I cannot thank enough for helping me become who I am
my family
my children who I hope I can be a good example for
Faith, because without it there is no hope
God who knows what is best for us and will answer prayers if they are in our best interest
my new store and customers
my new landlords who are amazing
my creative spark coming back
heat being off in my store and it is still nice and toasty
my pets who comfort me
The Center, my other Happy Place
the ability to stand up in front of everyone at church on Sunday to perform the service without puking or fainting.
time
being in control of my life and what I want to do
music
Shawn who supports me no matter what and lets me be me
laughter, we laughed so hard this weekend
love
the gym
the new adventure with my store
being 100% completely happy and content
knowing that we can achieve anything that we put our mind too
my life
Friday, December 10, 2010
The Best Gifts of Christmas
Christmas to me is a lot more than just presents, cookies, Christmas trees, Christmas music and so on. To me Christmas is a lot of things that cannot be wrapped, measured or weighed. Instead of creating my thankful list today, I am going to create my list of what is really important to me at Christmas. Of course I am eternally grateful for everything on it.
1. time with family and friends
2. the smell of the season; cookies baking, the tree, holiday candles burning, etc.
3. the smiles on children, especially my own when the see a beautiful Christmas tree, when they 'purchase' or handmake a gift for their loved ones, when Frosty the Snowman is on TV, when they are sprinkling cut out cookies with tons of colored sugar, when they sing aloud the songs of the season.
4. hosting parties and laughing with the girls, drinking wine, trying on jewelry, smelling candles, playing games and eating way too many sweets.
5. handmaking Christmas cards
6. the kids running down the stairs to see what Santa brought
7. candle light service at church on Christmas Eve
8. memories of when I was a child at Christmas
9. hot chocolate with marshmallows and maybe even a little Baily's
10. Makenna talking about how it will soon be Jesus birthday and her excitement being Mary in her school play.
11. baking cookies with Makenna
12. my mom and She-She baking Christmas cookies every year with the kids.
13. giving my mom an early Christmas present every Christmas Eve.
14. all the holiday children's movies.
15. giving to charities, homeless shelters and anyone less fortunate than myself.
16. the excitement of the kids when they open their advent calendars every morning from my mom. They play a guessing game and try to guess what it is.
17. red nail polish on my toes
18. Christmas Books; The Grinch, The Polar Express, The Night Before Christmas and more.
19. nativities
20. Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith's Christmas CDs
21. sea shells hanging on the Christmas tree with a starfish on top.
22. handmade gifts
23. two red cardinals
24. going shopping with my dad
25. enjoying my dads birthday right before Christmas
26. grateful people
27. candy canes, which I do not eat...LOL!
28. Moose Munch which I will hopefully get this year in my stocking...LOL!
29. the trill of finding the perfect gift.
30. the thrill of finding a GREAT sale!
31. decorating the tree with the kids.
32. Makenna in her Christmas dress.....(dresses)
33. pictures of the kids and the family together.
34. decorating the house.
35. holiday traditions.
36. Chloe thinking the tree is hers.
37. stockings being hung.
38. Silent Night
39. candles
40. the birth of our Savior.
41. being blessed with the people I have in my life.
42. being truly grateful for all that I have.
43. signs from above.
There are so many more....but I am out of time. Dinner needs to be made, laundry needs to be switched over, presents should be wrapped, and PartyLite should be gone through. I am very excited about tomorrow night with our Christmas party at work. I am so thankful for everyone who has helped make this past year a wonderful year. Blessings to all.
1. time with family and friends
2. the smell of the season; cookies baking, the tree, holiday candles burning, etc.
3. the smiles on children, especially my own when the see a beautiful Christmas tree, when they 'purchase' or handmake a gift for their loved ones, when Frosty the Snowman is on TV, when they are sprinkling cut out cookies with tons of colored sugar, when they sing aloud the songs of the season.
4. hosting parties and laughing with the girls, drinking wine, trying on jewelry, smelling candles, playing games and eating way too many sweets.
5. handmaking Christmas cards
6. the kids running down the stairs to see what Santa brought
7. candle light service at church on Christmas Eve
8. memories of when I was a child at Christmas
9. hot chocolate with marshmallows and maybe even a little Baily's
10. Makenna talking about how it will soon be Jesus birthday and her excitement being Mary in her school play.
11. baking cookies with Makenna
12. my mom and She-She baking Christmas cookies every year with the kids.
13. giving my mom an early Christmas present every Christmas Eve.
14. all the holiday children's movies.
15. giving to charities, homeless shelters and anyone less fortunate than myself.
16. the excitement of the kids when they open their advent calendars every morning from my mom. They play a guessing game and try to guess what it is.
17. red nail polish on my toes
18. Christmas Books; The Grinch, The Polar Express, The Night Before Christmas and more.
19. nativities
20. Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith's Christmas CDs
21. sea shells hanging on the Christmas tree with a starfish on top.
22. handmade gifts
23. two red cardinals
24. going shopping with my dad
25. enjoying my dads birthday right before Christmas
26. grateful people
27. candy canes, which I do not eat...LOL!
28. Moose Munch which I will hopefully get this year in my stocking...LOL!
29. the trill of finding the perfect gift.
30. the thrill of finding a GREAT sale!
31. decorating the tree with the kids.
32. Makenna in her Christmas dress.....(dresses)
33. pictures of the kids and the family together.
34. decorating the house.
35. holiday traditions.
36. Chloe thinking the tree is hers.
37. stockings being hung.
38. Silent Night
39. candles
40. the birth of our Savior.
41. being blessed with the people I have in my life.
42. being truly grateful for all that I have.
43. signs from above.
There are so many more....but I am out of time. Dinner needs to be made, laundry needs to be switched over, presents should be wrapped, and PartyLite should be gone through. I am very excited about tomorrow night with our Christmas party at work. I am so thankful for everyone who has helped make this past year a wonderful year. Blessings to all.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
A Time I will Never Forget
During my trying teenage years, back in the mid to later 80's times were not as they are now. However, they were similar with the bullying, the peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, kids skipping school, etc. What do kids do today to stay away from all the negativity?
Fortunately for me, my church had a wonderful group of kids that was brought together by a woman named Kim. We formed a group called Animation. Fortunately my parents made me spend time at my church in order to become a part of this group. Animation was a group of about 15-20 children ages ranging from 14-18. We had fellowship, spent time on retreats, went to concerts, but mostly spent time rehearsing for plays that were written and choreographed by Kim. There were probably about 4 or 5 different plays, 2 in which I was in. Druzba and Smashed were the ones I was in. Druzba is the one I do not remember as well. I do remember playing an angel at one point and that the play was based in Russia at Christmas time.
Smashed is the one I remember most. I remember the relationships that Kim had paired us up in. One person was handicap, I was in a relationship with someone much older than me, and it was to show that God accepts everyone in any condition and we should too. I remember one of the cast members played the part of an alcoholic who got into a car accident from drunk driving and killed a best friend. He wanted to turn to the devil. With the help of all of his friends supporting him during this tragic time, he found God. He became sober and healed from his tragic loss.
Kim now has a Christan Drama School in New Jersey. It is amazing to me to know that Animation is what started her on the road to her lifetime career. Although she was not with us last night, I know she was there in spirit.
Talking with everyone last night I finally had the chance to tell them what they did for me. It was each of them that kept me walking in God's light. It was them that helped me to make the right decisions and gave me the support I needed that I wasn't getting from the kids at school. It was Animation who made me feel accepted in a time where school did not. They loved me for who I was whether or not I had the in style clothing, the perfect hair (which God knows I didn't,,,,LOL!), the great grades, etc. Never once did I turn to drugs or alcohol or feel the need to skip school to be cool. I may have 'run away from home' a few times in the heat of a fight with my mom, but I always had Animation to run home to. I thank God for them. I thank God for giving us the time last night to be together once more.
You all know how I am about signs from the other side. We walked into the living room with intentions of getting pictures taken together. On the TV was a music channel. As soon as I turned the corner to go into the room, I hear Amy Grant. Her song Angels Watching Over Me was on. We immediately turned it up, started singing and dancing. I smiled to myself knowing that we were all where we were supposed to be. Our angles had brought us together and were celebrating with us the miracle of our never ending friendship.
What I am thankful for today:
Animation
my friends
my family
my kids
understanding
loyalty
laughter
memories
acceptance
love
my pets
The Center
the sunshine
rainbows
energy
time
music
Amy Grant
scrapbooking
my health
the health of my loved ones
my dad feeling better
Shawn
my bed
my home
my jeep
my store
full classes
heat
every minute I get to spend with the ones I love
A wondeful Thanksgiving day
Fortunately for me, my church had a wonderful group of kids that was brought together by a woman named Kim. We formed a group called Animation. Fortunately my parents made me spend time at my church in order to become a part of this group. Animation was a group of about 15-20 children ages ranging from 14-18. We had fellowship, spent time on retreats, went to concerts, but mostly spent time rehearsing for plays that were written and choreographed by Kim. There were probably about 4 or 5 different plays, 2 in which I was in. Druzba and Smashed were the ones I was in. Druzba is the one I do not remember as well. I do remember playing an angel at one point and that the play was based in Russia at Christmas time.
Smashed is the one I remember most. I remember the relationships that Kim had paired us up in. One person was handicap, I was in a relationship with someone much older than me, and it was to show that God accepts everyone in any condition and we should too. I remember one of the cast members played the part of an alcoholic who got into a car accident from drunk driving and killed a best friend. He wanted to turn to the devil. With the help of all of his friends supporting him during this tragic time, he found God. He became sober and healed from his tragic loss.
Kim now has a Christan Drama School in New Jersey. It is amazing to me to know that Animation is what started her on the road to her lifetime career. Although she was not with us last night, I know she was there in spirit.
Talking with everyone last night I finally had the chance to tell them what they did for me. It was each of them that kept me walking in God's light. It was them that helped me to make the right decisions and gave me the support I needed that I wasn't getting from the kids at school. It was Animation who made me feel accepted in a time where school did not. They loved me for who I was whether or not I had the in style clothing, the perfect hair (which God knows I didn't,,,,LOL!), the great grades, etc. Never once did I turn to drugs or alcohol or feel the need to skip school to be cool. I may have 'run away from home' a few times in the heat of a fight with my mom, but I always had Animation to run home to. I thank God for them. I thank God for giving us the time last night to be together once more.
You all know how I am about signs from the other side. We walked into the living room with intentions of getting pictures taken together. On the TV was a music channel. As soon as I turned the corner to go into the room, I hear Amy Grant. Her song Angels Watching Over Me was on. We immediately turned it up, started singing and dancing. I smiled to myself knowing that we were all where we were supposed to be. Our angles had brought us together and were celebrating with us the miracle of our never ending friendship.
What I am thankful for today:
Animation
my friends
my family
my kids
understanding
loyalty
laughter
memories
acceptance
love
my pets
The Center
the sunshine
rainbows
energy
time
music
Amy Grant
scrapbooking
my health
the health of my loved ones
my dad feeling better
Shawn
my bed
my home
my jeep
my store
full classes
heat
every minute I get to spend with the ones I love
A wondeful Thanksgiving day
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